I do wear my heart on my sleeve and writing is a healer. It is not good to bottle up emotions as this will make us unwell. Letting go is a necessary part of growing. My dog Foley passed over rainbow bridge last night just after 11pm in my arms age 21. It has broken my heart. I have poems, memories and words I want to express then cannot.
It has opened my true self to explore the value of ‘me’ at the moment. Quickly validating the mantra ‘less is more.’ My cousin came over this morning and my parents were here as my son handed Foley to the lady who came to cremate him. Seeing her car drive away was deeply emotional. A part of me went on the journey.
I’ve a small circle who knew Foley who have been ever so supportive. Losing a doggy or any pet is just so awful to recover from – but we have to take with us the memories and keepsakes. For me it was being outdoors with nature. Having the comfort of consistent companionship. That’s where I find my peace, being with all things natural, unspoilt.
I’m not perfect I often admit to my faults, I am very open with my opinions and I despise injustice. I do realise none of us are perfect but not a day goes by I try to improve who I am. I give myself permission to love or to detest traits in others. We need to experience all aspects of human nature to evolve within our own identity. We learn from actions and doings from each of the day’s lessons.
When people ask me ‘what is karma?’ It is not hardship or revenge. It is not death or birth. Karma is our own sense of true ‘self-worth.’ How we feel about our core acceptance of life’s colourful journey. Tiffany Belle Harper
I once went to a Buddhist retreat and meditated for a weekend where we focused on Princess Tara. She was a Goddess of animals but she was also a fierce warrior who sleighed for her passion to save and maintain the planet. Showing us we must fight and stand up for truth and balance. It taught me it is ok to have a sense of passion robust enough to challenge the weakness of those who rebel against their brothers and sisters in ways that only result in destroying themselves. Those with ill intent guised in good doings bought by populous and a false sense of validation. That truth prevails.
All that attended the weekend came away feeling more empowered to pursue ‘inner’ balance and find solace in natural habitats, fresh food and animal comforts. I am not a fully-fledged Buddhist as I am not good at studying in detail one chosen subject. I am open to all aspects of religion and spirituality. But I suppose my heart resonates most with the drive and values of passion and abundance with Buddhism and indeed Foley was a Tibetan terrier. He had the typical traits.
When people set out to hurt us, they are hurting themselves and when we retaliate with a desire to halt the motives it only infuriates further. Often, those that are attacked most are done so in an indirect fashion and those that come from truth will do this openly with direct confrontation. There is never a supposition.
Yet those that come from truth with a sincere wish to grow spiritually will have greater obstacles, lessons and loss. For it is this – that opens the gates of higher dimensions. And it is these higher dimensions that will set ways for infinite progression and connection to the divine.
When my dog took his last breath, for a moment, I was scared. Scared that my spirituality was not strong enough to hold faith his soul would rise. As his warm little body relaxed into mine I felt a great peace, a warmth. I felt love, complete love.
I’ve cried for over a day. I feel a loss but I also feel a love I cannot touch, stroke or hold. It is about understanding how love can change its insight. How love can be set free. Nothing will replace him. His love is a manifestation of 21 years of our unique bond.
I dreamt last night in a deep state of sleep there was a pony at the back door. He was small, black and white, a long off white mane. He was looking down as though something should climb on to his back. On waking I wondered whether I should adopt a pony or find someone with a pony who may need my help. But now, I believe he came to take Foley away. Still now I can see this horse so vividly. I can smell him too. I believe he took Foley over rainbow bridge.
Today I have told myself I do not need to find or achieve anything. It is already here. It is love in the people I have around me. None of which are strangers. It is their love for Foley that is my love. That we do not always have to strive, look for ways to help others. That sometimes it is about the now and enjoying what we have around us. Less is more. And with stillness our journey will come.
My friend Mindy said to me ‘don’t forget you have little Angel to care for.’
Angel is 9. She has not had a day in her life without Foley. She tried to get him up this morning.
My son came over and I asked if he wanted to look at Foley. He was apprehensive but I pulled back his blanket. He looked so peaceful. Still, fast asleep. He did suffer for the last ten minutes. But now peace is upon him. If I had one wish it would be he could heal the dogs that were not so fortunate during their final moments. That died at the hands of hate and ignorance.
Today my faith and spirituality have never been stronger. We should stand up for our rights and we should never fear our truth. For it is truth that will set our conscience free. That suffering is part of growth. That self-worth is the essence of who we ‘truly’ are and has no value or boundaries.
I am thankful to the universe for giving me a life companion of such beauty and loyalty. He will remain with nature, with me, with each petal in time. And as the seasons change – where all falls back to begin again – I will be reminded of our adventures.
In memory of Foley. X