This is not a good day. I’m writing my book and reliving parts of the past I’d forgot. I’m preparing to drive back to Leeds. I arrived in Warwickshire with Foley who was well. He had a wet nose, healthy appetite and could still run around in the park.
I’m driving home without him. I know ‘especially taking the horrid happenings in the world to account’ it may seem dramatic. But I loved him so much. He was a daily part of all that I did. Driving back to Yorkshire without my best friend is going to hurt. He was innocent, harmless, so pure and forgiving. An unconditional friend that loved me no matter what.
Today, I’ve just felt down in the dumps. I tell myself how must the family feel of the lady who was killed in London by senseless murderers. She’d just taken her two children to school. How must that family feel as they prepare for their first weekend without the heart of their family. This just makes it all worse.
There is kindness and unity everywhere. Yet, we must not forget the suffering. I really do wish people would value all aspects of life. Non of us are here to kill or harm through acts of malice and resentment.
I just wish I could have another day with Foley. Just to stroke him and tell him how things are. But, writing this book is a release. It’s funny, emotional and very frankful. I do love to write. I equally miss Foley. Just not knowing he’s lying by my feet or sitting in the back of the car. Waiting at the door for me to come home. Sitting by me as I cook. Running ahead of me through woodlands and fields.
It’s just not the same anymore and I can’t cheer myself up today. I’ve always tried to inspire and it often meets brick walls. Yet I suppose some days there’s nothing wrong to admitting it’s fine to not feel happy.
Angel hasn’t got off the window ledge since he passed. I’m sure she’s waiting for him to come back. Her last memory was him being taken away wrapped in his blanket to be cremated. She doesn’t understand. Yet, I do know that a part of him is very much with us. It’s only human to feel this pain I suppose. Most days are fine, then I get one like this when my heart just breaks open. 21 years is going to take time to recover. He was so beautiful in all ways. Sigh.