Gosh this is tough – writing book #diary
Just having a quick tea-break with a ginger-nut biscuit. A weep takes place – gosh it’s sad writing this book. One minute I’m on a journey, the next reflecting to something so dreadfully painful. I’d blocked out much of it. It’s great therapy to recall the past and see the resolve and I do believe sometimes we have to take a few steps backward to go forward – to be contemplative – in the now.
There are days when I want to just forget and move on with my journey – but I know if I don’t finish this – I’ll always have regrets. This book needs to get done! I want to raise funds for dogs who didn’t have the same transition as Foley. I owe it to my friends and family who’ve given me so much support and believe I am tucked away penning the chapters. I really cannot let them down.
It’s not what many of you will think. There’s no remorse or anger amidst the pages. It makes little reference to the online hatred I’ve had directed toward me through ‘mainly the Twitter platform. All of that is of no circumstance as during the hardest times I was still getting on with my life in the ‘real’ world and lots of productive and lovely things were taking place. (It was my closest friends and family who it all hurt most and that’s what made me so angry. I wanted them to stop seeing it. I tried to stop it – yet, it just made things worse when I stood up for myself. It was so dreadfully physiological – where as, I wear my heart on my sleeve. I like the truth out in the open.)
The book’s about my time since leaving Warwick at the end of 2009 and rebuilding a completely new life in Yorkshire with my dogs by my side. It’s all positive with lots of stories within stories. But it’s intense. All writing is intense. I am inspired by a couple of writers who I often mention here and there. Love them to bits. I need to feel inspired right now. I’m very much ‘here’ alone (by choice) as I suffer with A.D.D and the slightest noise or distraction offsets my focus. That’s why doing something like this is so hugely character building. Being here is just perfect – I love the peace. All I hear most days are the birds and sheep.
I love posting my little blogs. I am so motivated by the people who encourage me and drop by – yet, leave me quietly to get on, also. Thank You. Less is More. I am trying so hard. Phew, gosh time to crack on. What a numpty I am today.