Right then! You seemingly down trodden troopers contesting ‘hot pants’ and those sporadic moments where we manifest eating great big puff balls of candy floss, riddled with sugar surged shots of enthusiasm. I tell you this!

No wonder gerbils are living off grass from the bottom of mouldy spice jars and the world is no longer square. There’s better things to worry about!! I am sure you will agree my siblings of the naked nipples …

There’s no such thing as a whimsical dose of licquorice leaf tea accompanied by a brass fire stoker in the shape of a mermaid with only one arm.

There. Told YOU!

Yes! You! It’s about time someone suggested you put your purple verruca where your belly button is once and for all. And … when I say ALL. I mean none of you.

So … let’s get on with it. When does this party start and can I go home yet.

Tiffany Belle Harper.