Are you Being Bullied, Stalked or Harassed? Feature by Tiffany Belle Harper.

The Labour Government are currently pioneering an anti-bullying and sexual/harassment campaign in the UK, for which I believe to be long over due. It is a subject I have broad knowledge towards. The bullying and stalking aspect in particular. I am a qualified counsellor, therapist and I  host ladies meetup groups when I am available.

An activist is a person who fights for justice. An activist is a person who will normally work alone or address a group directly by means of social expression – making clear their protest. I am an activist. More so in my younger years, I campaign for animal rights and women’s right (in no order).

A bully/stalker – on the other hand – will use methods that are hard to detect. Normally patterns. They watch and absorb their target, best planning how to ridicule or cause them hardship without making it obvious to others, what their intentions are. A bully will seldom work alone and may have a tight knit group who embrace the cycle and in turn gain pleasure. Alternatively, a bully gains support by fear using his/her/their closest allies as shields to disguise their motives. A bully may target their victim due to the victim being different or vulnerable. A bully may also target a victim who seems unbreakably strong and resilient.

An activist will work from a sense of obligation to justice. A bully will work from a sense of worthlessness. It is true, most bullies are insecure and much of what they do has no root cause other than lack of self esteem. If you are being bullied. Please remember, you do not deserve this. It is not your fault and things can get better. A bully will thrive on knowing they are effecting your well being. Alternatively, they will become increasingly frustrated if they feel ignored. By having support around you, a bully will normally retreat for fear of being exposed. Whereas an Activist will fight to expose.

If anyone who reads this feels they are being bullied or stalked (on or off line, both equally harming) please contact me. I will use the information  you give to me in the strictest of confidentiality and put you in touch with the right action groups and charities to support you. I do have creditable connections.

Here’s a few pointers to follow to identify the degree of bullying/stalking you may be suffering. Although, not restricted:

  • Does the bully know their behaviour disrupts your work or personal life.
  • Have you asked them to stop but they continue.
  • Do they follow your social media activity and make reference, despite you blocking them.
  • Do they try to build bridges with your connections, friends and interests whilst excluding you. (A means to use their position to make you feel isolated).
  • Do they use power, following, fans and/or money as a tool against you.
  • Do they provoke you during your working hours. Thus stopping your confidence to build to an income.
  • Are their movements reactionary to your statements on a regular (or constant) basis.
  • Are you aware they discuss you in your absence while you are unable to represent your view.
  • Do they/he/she avoid speaking face to face with you about their behaviour. (for online bullying in particular).
  • Has the bully made indirect or actual suggestions about your safety.
  • Has the bully made you feel insecure about living, working or travelling alone.
  • Does the bully try to intimidate any support you may have around you in a similar way. i.e. Children, peers, friends, social companions. (Possibly, a means to make you feel the bully is in control).

Make notes, record the patterns. You will find the bully/stalker is more transparent than you may think and in most cases others have also noticed the pattern that disrupts your well being. Please get in touch. I may not be able to emotionally help you but I can certainly carry some of your burden and stand with you as we get the right support.

Finally, tell someone. No matter what age you are or what position you are in, don’t be an island. Stand close to those who love you. Life’s to short to carry this on your own.

Tiffany Belle Harper ©

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