A Stalker, Spring and My Journey

Spring is here and winter is behind us. It’s been a tough one for me. When someone you thought had moved on, returns to your life and becomes a nuisance in ways that are invasive and upsetting, it can completely throw us into a sense of utter despair.

Since the end of last November, I have been aware of many significant changes in my life that altered my long term outlook towards the world. How none of us are ever really safe. If somebody has money and spare time on their hands, they can invade just about every aspect of our once assumed secure world.

I have removed WhatsApp from my phone, unable to speak to friends and family. Where my laptop was once a lifeline to communicate, blog and enjoy tech, now a tool of trepidation. I had to seek help to overcome my constant sense of not ever feeling safe, to the point of not taking my dogs out for walks.

This man came from Twitter many years ago, still using the same platform to leave cryptic clues, which in turn lead me to discover hidden software within my real world. I thought if this is going to be a permanent thing, I refuse to spend the rest of my life trying to discover by means of social media, what he is going to do next. It was a form of control. When this began over ten years ago, I was destitute, I did not see my family and was over coming an assault for which almost cost me my life. I worked from home within the pet industry. I was a sitting target, because I thought everyone was nice. This guy belittled me publicly whilst I was a volunteer, affecting by self esteem in very physiological ways. I lost all my mojo and vision for the future.

I got back up off my feet, eventually bought my own home and then moved to Blackpool, where I made a lot of new friends and did well in business. I had not looked back and although I was aware the guy and his partner had some kind of perilously vindictive issue with me, I spent little time online. On reflection I believe he had become obsessed with me, detesting the fact, I was no longer vulnerable. For many years wherever I have moved about online, I have always blocked them. This has not made a bit of difference. Socials are fine we can just switch it off. But when a person convinces himself it is perfectly normal to spy on a woman 24/7 who is by herself, this becomes criminal. He has recruited people to terrorise me.

All this forced me (after many years of progress within my goals) to return to look at his online activity, to ascertain his agenda with regard to my safety, data and privacy. I guess this is what empowered him further, that he had at last got my attention, despite being for all the wrong reasons. Although when you are aware someone has watched you in your bedroom, what you were discussing on the phone with your loved ones. And even when you went to the shops, it becomes fearful, because you realise they must be very sick and delusional. You wonder why they are doing it? And will it ever stop? Then weeks ago, I just stopped looking at the warped road map. We should never pay attention to negativity. I will always be aware he could still be around, but certainly not as concerned. It’s not my problem to deal with addicts and I have no idea where they are at with it. It bores the fuck out of me. I just hope it’s by now, stopped. It does certainly feel lighter.

In life we cannot have everything we want. People are free to choose their friends, relationships, and most of all how they wish to spend their time privately. And nobody aware of this should be a bystander. If we let this type of behaviour go unnoticed we are endangering all of our security going forward. There are probably thousands of people around the world being sabotaged by a misuse of tech and social media.

During all this, unexplainable misfortune. My housekeeper has had her phone hacked. My little rescue cat vanished. The Smart Lock to my hotel has been hacked. Alexa and Smart gadgets around the hotel going on and off. Doors being tampered with at my home in Lytham and damage to my car. Reference to access with my CCTV in the hotel and much more.

On the bright side it has made me appreciate my life so much more. Stuff the rest of us take for granted becoming compromised. I had simply wanted to spend time designing a family home in memory of Dad, in peace before I move on. I had metaphorically speaking, left the gate wide open for a stalker.

When you lose all trust in your technical aids you turn to your heart and look inwards. And I thought to myself, ‘no way am I going to let a low life person make a difference to my life. I am worth more than that’. One of my steps was to go back to Twitter and get past that former feeling of being constantly watched by two destructive people for which I have no interest.

I am proud how far I have come these last months. It’s been the worst chapter of my life. And at times I was not sure about my personal safety. But that’s what abusers do. They’re bad losers and because they cannot have what they want, they try to destroy what it is you have.

Better times are ahead. I have however, lost my loyalty to the UK, because during all this I felt very let down by the system. But life is much bigger than that. I have a lot of skills, a warm soul and I am happy with who I am. When I love I do so fiercely, but it has to be mutual.

These last months I have realised that no matter how much we can feel safe with guests, friends, family and the community, some person can take that all away by remote resentment. I have employed men fresh from prison and rescued the wildest animals, finding total trust within them. But I won’t allow a stalker to break my soul. Therefore I will no longer be running my beautiful hotel. No regrets, it’s all been perfect. New beginnings, time for me now.

I want to thank the few people who have helped me. Less is More. And also the community in Lytham who have tried to find my cat. It means the world. I am completely, madly blown away by new feelings and aspirations. And I will never stop wearing my heart on my sleeve, because I am my authentic true self and that’s all we ever really have. Our own label. I enjoy who I am and I leave you all to it.


Tiffany X

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