As we mature into adults, we experience all kinds of emotions and situations that help mold us into what we could become. Our earlier years are our greatest lessons. We suffer many experiences that can be difficult to cope with. Such like bullying, family separations and the pressure of education. Religious enforcement. We can go one of two ways, to grow and learn through our maturity, or stay within those same patterns. To be enslaved to the past or to be in denial of how or why we do the things that can hurt others. Acts of cruelty become a burden not only for those who receive the brunt but also solve no long term sense of inner peace for the troublemaker.

Life is so short, and it is important to use our years here on Earth to improve our immediate surroundings with what comes to us organically in terms of ‘less is more.’  I am not certain that one of life’s myths is true > That we attract the right people around us. It does apply in our actual world and for me, it’s a lighthearted thing. I am not into lots of deep and meaningful friendships, as it can take over from what we need to get done in our own space. And for me, most of the time it’s taking care of my pets.

I think any animal lover will agree, having animals about the place is so beautiful. They become your tribe and they need you. In return you get heaps of love back. Although, working in animal rescue is not so pleasant, because it breaks your heart repeatedly. The animal rescue circuit is a tough business to be in. I spent years trying to do as much as I could to make a difference, ranging from the dolphins in Taiji, to hedgehogs in Burnley. I got completely squashed by the bigger rescues out there, who had loads of money and social influence. Yet, the sad thing being, each animal is precious and every rescuer deserves a voice. I take my hat off to all of them. The RSPCA for instance. They get direct debits and donations amounting to huge profit. Whereas, a small rescue must sell raffle tickets just to buy cat litter or poop bags.

So having pets to live with bypasses all that pressure because you’re still doing your bit but without the politics. When I worked at my peak for animal rights and welfare I had not long before suffered an assault in my own home. It was a frenzied attack which left me for dead. I had been hit with a glass. Repeatedly punched in my face and head. My hair torn out. The final blow, just as I was going to pass out anyway, he pulled my head back up and kneed me in the face. My eldest son had to feed me with a straw on Christmas day. I found solace in helping animals and this was part of my recovery. But I still worked. I set up websites for animal organisations. Barely made enough to eat a good meal but it was something. I lived in the attic at my youngest sons house for years. I was very unwell. And I was vulnerable. A lot of bad things happened as I was so naive. But I was determined to get up and try to find a new life.

It is hard to accept that there may be people out there who feel thrilled to know I was physically harmed. And to have that kind of mindset will mean they can do the same. Which is scary. To feel a thrill at the thought of inflicting any kind of hatred, is to be guilty.  

I am not a do-gooder. I have made mistakes. My greatest being, I have spent too many years looking for adventures, or rather they find me. But last year I decided to slow down. I became tired, realising, I am growing into a much older person. I have spent the last almost five years, on St Chads Road in Blackpool. I have worked very hard. Met lots of people. And at this point I must say 80% of them have been magnificent. The 20% were the folk that took advantage of a Groupon Offer at the first bed and breakfast I managed. Nobody was to blame; it was an experiment that went wrong. Because they all turned up having paid £72 for 3 nights and Groupon worded it, ‘with a free evening meal.’ It meant one meal. But most of them argued that not only should they get a free breakfast each day but also a free meal each night. They were the scroungers of society. People I would not want to bump into anywhere. They had appalling manners and stole stuff from the rooms. And here is a thing, many of them turned up in fancy cars and wore posh clothes.

They didn’t give a shit about me and I think I got about two reviews out of 300 vouchers. It was hell. I stood in my power, buckled down and I served them. But not with a smile. I actually told them what I thought of them. I explained Groupon had made a mistake but not one of them gave me any leniency. They ensured they got the full works. And most of them didn’t eat all their breakfast. They just ordered everything on the menu because it was free. Greedy bastards.

That said the rest of the experience has been enlightening in one way or another. Belleva being a couple’s hotel for a relaxing break (not swingers …. I may add) I have never met so many great people. Men who treat their women like princesses. So much love out there. We read all the bad stuff, but in the real world, love really does exist. I think any of  you will agree, being treated with a genuinely loving gesture is the  most gorgeous thing. I have seldom felt unsafe in my line of work as a hotelier. Infact I feel more secure when I do have guests, as I know they would take care should there ever be a problem. I have had guests help me clean, check the place before bed. Turn off the lights, etc. Basically, they have treated my place like their own home.

Last winter, I slowed things down. I have personal matters to build on and my mom needs to settle into new ways since losing dad. I want to see my kids happy.  We have all been through so much of recent years, some more than others and the vulnerable have been hit the hardest. Destitution, sickness, depression, fear. Most of our careers now have been forced to go online, one way or another. I think the pandemic made a lot of people feel very isolated. Where going to work became a routine, suddenly more people were at home. And it affected a lot of younger men in particular. Men do have a natural born sense of responsibility. To feel in control. Whereas women are good at multi-tasking and adjustment. Men do need to feel stable in their ability to go about their ways. So, for a typically average male, suddenly being unable to work or go up the pub. To watch a football match, sent many into a state of isolation and loneliness.

Sadly, numerous males have not yet recovered and go on with this sense of solitude. Men are very misunderstood in society. And a great thing about hospitality is you get to meet all types of people, not just for a fleeting second but for a weekend. And you get to trust in them. To realise most people are good. I go out wandering too and I speak to lots of people, especially around Blackpool. But sometimes I just sit with myself. And I listen to what I have to say. I believe that abuse and intimidation towards women is at an all time high. It is a combination of technology, for instance social media and then stuff like spyware. Also forced relationships and child exploitation. This is a subject that is endless. But because of the prevalence of this abuse, all men are getting tarred to the same brush. This is just not fair.

Men are giving other men a bad stigma. And women are under the apprehension all men are bad. That they should not trust strangers and every male presence is a possible threat to them. I haven’t got my own daughter, although I do have women who are like daughters to me. And I think I would instill into a girl going out alone (for instance) that she should be cautious. Don’t talk to strangers. Don’t get her drink spiked etc.

My youngest son recently said to  me, he doesn’t chat with women when he goes out because she may think he is intruding on her space. And other men have told me they have been scorned for holding a door open for a woman, as it could be construed as regarding her of a weaker sex. Well, let’s be honest. Having experienced extreme assault, men are much stronger than women. We are the weaker sex. But we are also empowered and we give life. We are blessed with the vagina. A flower of beauty and we have breasts to produce milk.

When I came to Lytham last year to help with a family home, I saw it as a new beginning to feel inclusive and settled. At peace to revitalise and reflect on my life. It really has been tough but I am no quitter. Life can be tough for all of us. And a lot depends on what goals we set out to achieve. Whilst some wish for fame and success, others may want just the simple things. We may desire to pursue a career in health work or fashion. Or to work in a factory environment with a strong routine. To work nights or shifts to suit a household. Or to be a stay-at-home parent. And on … and on.

We also need time to find hobbies, ways to relax and unwind either within our own space or group environments. It is healing and distracts from addictions and obsessions that can become a tedious cycle of misery. 

I do tarot. I do this for my own interest. It is a way to interpret my intuition. Thing is, when life gets bad for me, I have in the past over done it. I think one card a day is fine. Or one reading a week. The last few days my card has been ‘the devil.’ The devil card in tarot is the Major Arcana and it means that something is trying to control us. That we could possibly be the result of addiction. It is not a particularly negative card, since it is telling us be aware of such energy and to work more with the light.

Using money and manipulation to harm another is never going to bring a healthy resolution to anything. And I think when a person who has extreme wealth turns to that kind of thought process, there is a very dangerous mechanism that needs to be challenged. Money is essential, nobody in this modern age can possibly survive without it. If you combine a fortune of wealth with an unhealthy mind, anything could go wrong. I think we all see very rich people as elite. Living a life where anything is affordable. Yet can you imagine if each and every one of us had their kind of wealth? Where we could afford to do anything we wanted? I think mankind would become extinct very quickly.

Whereas one person may invest in an animal rescue center. Another an art emporium for the homeless to craft. Or a dozen yachts in Bermuda. Someone else may spend that money paying for technology to stalk another. To implement spyware around their frequent places. To recruit a firm to hack their computer.  In turn spending most of their life watching that other person live theirs without permission. They may steal your entire existence. Then they judge you. Despite the fact their own activities involve watching someone else’s entire life. Hardly a fair balance. And a lot of hypocrisy.

I think we are all capable of having obsessive thoughts and addictions. I have had plenty. Ranging from collecting junk, drinking too much wine and for some years, social media. But I realised, this was a problem. And getting back to my first paragraph. Being hateful or having bad intentions towards another, is something we should learn to over come as we grow up. To mold ourselves into better people. As if we take our traits and mistakes forwards with us into our later years, we have served no purpose with our history. Sometimes we need to slow down to find our flaws and work on the parts of ourself that are only doing harm. We have to let go of living in a permanent state of inner child, where we excuse ill deeds for ignorance. No person should want a living being as a punch bag, either physically, emotionally or both.People at the hands of bullying and persecution are taking their own lives and this is not comedy. This is abuse. It is heartbreakingly sad for so many victims of those who deny every day ‘freedom of voice and actions’ to bring meaningless harm. Refusing to grow but to remain in a childhood pattern. We can all take responsibility for ourselves and our actions and clean up this often horrid world with kindness and tolerance.

The aspects we crave from others are the aspects we need to find within our own soul. Nothing should be stolen. And every person is entitled to their freedom and privacy. That said, we need CCTV in many places to protect us from the very harm that could derive from the stalker and those he recruits to bring misery. So abusing our rights to privacy in a back handed way is jeopardising the fundamental principle of authorised safety.

I believe in life, it is better enjoyed by working on our own inner peace. And not being wicked. Love is a two way thing. Stalking is not romance.

I wish all of you the best. Have a lovely week. It is time to feed the pets.

Tiff. X

I can’t believe I am 58 this year. I will be honest, inside I feel about 30. I suppose because I have spent the gap between then and now, being quite isolated in my targets. Where I have had many struggles to overcome, beneficial to my journey, yet hard work. As I always say, Life is a Lesson – Learn it well.’ So, I have not plodded along the age stick with the mundane, but instead have sought out music, gatherings and people I think are cool. It’s kept me young, for sure. little and often. the lighter months.

When my kids were becoming adults, I used to go out clubbing with them and also with my late Father back in the day. I would pole dance or hop on a podium. My sons would cringe. I stopped clubbing on a weekly basis when I was about 35. This is when it took a week to get over one weekend. So you’re always either out or knackered. Staying young inside is good for the soul, but it can feel really awkward when you get to meet people the same age or older, who seem like decades ahead of you. I love to wander, slow down, people watch. Drink coffee or good wine. And not feel observed. It’s a basic human right for those who do not seek the limelight. Well … I thought so?

With Belleva, it’s taught me so much about couples in particular. The younger couples do seem to have more compassion and insight and are far more progressive minded. They like their space and seem to get by with me not around, coming and going as they please. Whereas, the more mature couples don’t like the contactless check in and out (generally speaking.) Also, they prefer a place with a bar, free breakfast and somebody to always be about. To coin it, they want more attention. Plus, whilst I am waffling on, thanks for any person who said a few nice words. I know Booking.com is a huge organisation that takes all the bread but still, this was nice to get. It’s been such a tough time this winter so it did give me a lift.

When I go away on a break, I don’t want any service at all. I like space and freedom. We are all different, I guess. But Belleva is more like a retreat. I can’t be waiting on people who bore the shit out of me. I prefer younger guests, I learn from them and we have much more in common. You have to keep up to date to keep moving. And the only way to do that is not to focus on the same things, day in, day out. Jazz keeps me fast in my heart space. My Dad loved jazz too.

Belleva used to be called The Nester. Well … when I took it over that was the name I chose. Because. I am a Nester. I have always made dens and my favourite way to do this is in cosy spaces. Prior to that, Belleva had always been called ‘Sovereign House’ and one of my biggest mistakes to date (I have made a few …) is not keeping the original name. I rushed in without thinking and got too creative. The neighbours could not get their heads around the pace of change when I hit number 30 on St Chads. Anyway, soon after I was contacted by a hotel chain with a similar name saying they had found ‘The Nester’ and it was an abbreviation of their hotel chain. This was due to me setting up Belleva as a PLC by the advice of my family. It was all over the web. So invasive for small businesses. And not safe for women in particular.

So I called a great company named ‘Trademark Eagle’ and got chatting with an amazing lady named Natasha, who explained that I had to choose a name nobody else had taken. I let her know I wanted to go back to Sovereign House, though, unfortunately that was also registered by another business. I had a blog named Belleva which was an anagram of Believer and being a spiritual being, we eventually did a trademark search on the name. By now, we had gone through so many ideas. Low and behold, Belleva came up. And since there was already a hotel owned by a mate of mine, named Belvere on the street we accentuated Belleva to BellEva as to avoid muddlements. It’s caused all kinds of problems, but I got there in the end and had to change the sign and branding quite quickly. Then came the strap line Home. Heart. Hotel. Because that’s what the place was to me. And that’s how I wanted it to feel for my guests.

I have spent the last few months doing up a little garden in Lytham and designing a family project. As you may have read from previous blogs, it has been such a challenging journey. I really was quite naïve and thought having a phone, a laptop and being able to go for a walk or drive to work, was a common practice. That was until we discovered how easy it is for a person to recruit agencies to hack and track. It’s not as if I am worth any money, want to be in the public eye, crave attention or do anything that interesting. It’s affected my mental health, in that it’s made me feel quite withdrawn and unsafe and my sense of happiness is currently very damaged. Yet, as a person I have not changed.

Life can be so very cruel and when I assess those going through difficult times too, they are the nicest people I know. Whilst the ones that do that bad stuff, seem to get away with it and don’t care who they tread on. Yet, I guess, deep down they are going through some kind of personal trauma, they perhaps disguise with a false impression. I don’t know. It doesn’t do to think about. I have my own problems, but I don’t think I have ever gone out of my way to cause hardship. I don’t carry baggage or bully my way into any person’s space. It’s far removed from my mindset how anyone can be like that?

That said, life is sweet, and it is short. It is all about finding inner peace and comfort in the simple things. I love chilling with the pets and doing my tarot. Collecting stones and looking at interior ideas. I like privacy whilst others crave attention. I don’t. These days I am just glad be here and daydream about my bucket list. One day a time. Everything any of us need is all on our doorstep in the real world. Not through a phone, PC or lens. We can all be free. I thought I should do this blog as previous posts have worried the crap out of a few people. I cannot lie, being stalked is horrific. But you have to try to live like nobody is watching. I still demand the UK Government implement safety and regulative laws to protect women in particular, from non permissive spyware and unauthorised intrusion, from not only the stalker but also, those offering such services to make our lives a misery. Imagine being paid to follow an innocent woman down a little High Street to buy sweets and toiletries for her Mother. Or to hide a camera in a tree. Or to remotely view a laptop. Ridiculous.

Have a Great Week All.

Tiff. X