Posted on May 7, 2020
I am worried that I will become addicted to the internet. It happened many years ago when I did not have my own home – I was in hell. I had nothing I could do and felt so rubbish due to ill health both physically and mentally. It went on for years. I swore I would never go back there again. I will never forget those hard times hindered by so many cruel intentions around me. So anyway, I am allowing myself an hour a day online. Been doing this for a couple of weeks now. I have gone through all my notes and old photographs etc. It’s been soul searching – sad and happy. I have let go of a lot of pain.
Until lock down, I always have done things in the real world to try to help causes etc. Most people I know do the same. It’s a good way to get to sleep each night knowing you’ve done something purposeful. I am going to bed real early and getting up earlier too. I am getting a routine for myself, for the first time in years of some normality. Making time without feeling guilty. I have put on weight though, due to eating more chocolate and enjoying real butter. The pets are loving having me around them 24/7. I am making more time to hear my friends. I must admit WhatsApp I love. I am waking up to little posters and lovely messages. But I have never in my life carried my phone around with me. I put it down in another room unless I am expecting a call and it’s on silent. I am never going to put my brain in a machine like that. It’s not normal or right. People’s value should be measured in value not a screen.
Each morning, I tend to check emails, then I go on instagram to see what friends are doing by way of quotes and pictures and I get myself feeling positive with like minded. I try to do Facebook but it’s a swift entrance and exit as there is so much chaos there if you start to look around. Twitter is like a huge ball of utter madness. People regard a like or share as an endorsement and I know for a fact they don’t sign petitions or go out and vote they think a share is enough. It’s lazy. I love to blog. It makes me feel so peaceful. I learn and often the news is ahead and much more accurate. Each time I go online I want to be here less. I think eventually I will just not bother at all. I don’t want it around me, but then on the flip side of that I would miss my blog as it’s like my little space to remember. And to read so many great posts too. With blogging it is not a race or competition and nobody pays to be heard because it’s not about that. Blogging is a very personal thing. It’s brilliant. And I love sharing my photography over at TiffanyBelleHarperArt.
I have set strict goals what I will and will not look at on the internet as otherwise we can very quickly become miserable or concerned by things that are probably not real. I am just using my time to get things done and enjoy the stuff I forget I had. But the main thing is music. I am listening to Jazz and Classical for much of the time and I am losing myself in it. I have also started to write the book I thought I’d finished which will probably get published years ahead of now as I am enjoying my other hobbies so much. Candle making and cooking are taking the lead but I know I need to work on the new website and project. I don’t know how I ever fitted anything else in at all. Oh well … hey ho.
Anyway, lovin’ these big pebbles two girlfriends of mine got from the sand dunes on the Fylde Coast and painted. I am going to sell these. Think they’re FAB. And it’s a powerful full moon tonight. A Scorpio Flower Moon. Letting go of all the rubbish. Clearing space for new beginnings. Nature is happier and the air is better. Nothing to miss really.