Dealing with pain and embracing new courage

A bit late to post this, I promised each Monday but since routine can be out of sync there’s not always enough to say from our creative mind or we just aren’t in the mood. I must try to keep on target.

Still not recovered from Billy the little rescued street cat vanishing. I have thought a lot about it. He literally did just vanish and what killed me most was the endless days and nights we both connected fighting for each breath he took. He was so very wild and sick but also happy to have found a forever home and a family. I won his trust and vice versa. He never wanted to go outside or even leave my bedroom. And when he made his best recovery, he lived in the drawer beneath my bed with his own blankets and toys and when I went to bed he would sleep above my head. Often, he would smile or even have a little tear of joy. I adored Billy. And it would not be wrong to suggest if victim to a hate attack, he was arranged to be stolen. The saddest thing is my dogs are traumatized, when I go out they worry and Angel isn’t eating and Buddy won’t let me out his sight. We all loved Billy. He was one of the tribe. If there was bad intention, you must feel so special to know you are an animal abuser. And it is fact abusers go on to harm people. Such types are the scum of humanity.

As children, most of us iron ourselves out in preparation for adult life. And last week I visited a hostel where I spoke with younger people who are victims to bullying, both on and offline. How it affects their families, work, home and mindset. I think nowadays we are as a nation more empathetic towards bullying than when I grew up (many years ago …) Where we were taught to just get on with it. And many issues left unaddressed that can go on to scar us in later years.

But it is rare in today’s society for an adult to be the playground bully. Often bullies have their own issues and rather than seek help, transfer all of that onto somebody else who is different or seemingly vulnerable.

With Billy, it was losing his trust. I believed I would always keep him safe. And if he has died it would have been alone and suffering and possibly to the former state he was in when I rescued him. It is unbearable to think any person out there wished him to suffer. Beyond all comprehension.

I don’t have enemies; I have always got along with everybody. That is apart from a couple of neighbours, but then that is due to a resentment of change and progress. I never took it personally. I expected no less. I see the good things around me.

I volunteered to have counseling. And they were lovely. The person I spoke with said, ‘you are not here because we do not believe you are being stalked. You are here so we can help you through it.’ And those words made me feel so very complete in my well being. Also returning to Twitter has helped since that is where it all began over ten years ago. I came along way since then. Getting my own house, moving to Blackpool. Being a voice for the community. Not so much on St Chad’s. But out there within the suburbs. And I set up an Instagram page named Blackpool Cat that quietly shared the real Blackpool. Such a soulful place and full of acceptance and diversity. The best community there is so far. I will always love Blackpool.

I have learned so much on Twitter about AI, politics, technology and unacceptable behaviour from keyboard warriors who are very rude to others to the point of sending sheer abuse. But that’s a reflection of the human race. I suppose it keeps the streets safe if they can pent it out online. Then there are others who portray themselves as super beings, but really, they don’t come from a happy place. I myself have given my opinion freely on matters, but then I do the same in the real world. I would never hide behind the internet. I love a good debate.

I sent my letter to somebody very extraordinary who has helped me in ways I cannot even begin to tell you that are from my heart. I wrote loads of notes, they were wrong, then it all just came out organically in one swoop. I didn’t read it back. Just posted it. It’s made me feel good to do so. We all should write more. The written word gives us more privacy. Though rather stupidly put a number on it not realizing it was a bar code. I will get there. When I love I do so fiercely and when I am hurt I walk away. Our hearts are evolving organs of hope and new beginnings.  But we must also know love is progressive and circumstances change. That’s why it is so important to identify it is fine to move on to new opportunities when we get that special moment.

The past is done and gone. To hold on to the past is to remain locked in a system that cannot serve any purpose. Learn from it and grow towards the future. The best relationships I know are when two people hold hands and work through the thorns and weeds together, knowing there will always be flowers and real love can combat anything. You get out what you put in. It takes two and a lot of hard work. To not drag third parties into the equation. To talk and be honest with one another. We should never have to change for love, because most of all, love is about acceptance and trust. And opposites do attract. Because if you both have different topics to bring to the table, you will never be bored. And I also believe for those in relationships, don’t play away from home, sort it out or let it go. Nobody else needs or wants your aggravations.

Anything can be taken from the land of tech. And only one is six women report stalking for fear of being ridiculed. But murders are often carried out by what set out as stalking traits. They don’t know when to stop in belief they have a connection that is never going to be there. I really do send sympathy to any person, male or female who has lost their freedom because of it. But I can tell you, never be silenced because there are always people out there who will help. Name and shame and don’t suffer in silence. Look for the good things and keep moving.

Spent a few days taking all my pictures off my phone. Nature, the streets, memories in general and even losing my dad and the garden. When I rescued Billy, the pets, etc. I will suggest you all think about doing the same, as if your phone gets hacked you could lose your memories at the click of their finger. Got mine all buried away on a USB now. Isn’t it crazy how one week your life is what you made it yourself and the next you are the subject of bad intention and obsession? That said, evil has no destination. Love always finds a way. Self-love is the beginning. To enjoy your own space and time and the rest follows. People who do not know how to deal with their own shortfalls may put that baggage our way but it doesn’t make things right.

We all get to the same place in the end. And that’s when justice starts and despair ends. Be well everybody and take responsibility for yourselves. None of us are ever going to be perfect here but we can at least try to be kind. Not to pretend or to take it but to mean it. And I have my faults but I do good stuff and send no harm. Am proud of that.

With Love. X

The Little Things.Trust, Fighting back and True Love Empaths

It’s good to stay active one way or another using the internet. All too often we can fall to silence in favour of privacy. Which is imperative to maintain our own blueprints. To have our own time with nature, animals, family and most of all ‘self.’ I guess it is about balance.

Recent months have changed the way I look at life and also my mindset. The way a bad spell of purpose can throw us off our intended paths. The attention of unwanted people on and off line, who seek to send harm and bad outcomes. I suppose it happens to all of us at some time in our lives. And through these experiences I have learned much of those who have some kind of resentment toward another, may do so because they are unable to address their own weaknesses within their often-fake outward perspective. But it is not our job to fix people. Instead we must remain away from their energy.

An empath will seek the balance in situations but equally may take on too much. When really, less is more in terms of responsibility … our personal world and space often becoming overlooked. It may seem that an empath is an easy target because they are not afraid to show their feelings and emotions. But this is a strength. To be original and our own unique self without any need to mislead others. There are chiefs and Indians, society needs both. Every great pioneer needs their muse.

I have tried to continue with my book but unfortunately there was evidence a third party had managed to logon to my personal word docs. It is clearly obvious who it is. And what a shame there seems a constant ongoing need to invade my data. But this is life. I think if someone gave me a magic wand and said I was able to read into the phone or laptop of another, I would hand it back. Because I am an activist in that I believe each of us has a right to be protected by the laws of Data Privacy Protection. And that protection is also available by our chosen loved one to over see the potential of harm and threats on our behalf. As good as the web is for delegation and information, the internet is a festering space for cowards to make others feel isolated, alone and often in despair. The run-aways of society who often use a falsely portrayed hierarchy to inflict misery toward vulnerability. Yet an empath does not seek approval such like those driven by ego. It takes courage to be genuinely kind in this dimension.

I applaud Elon Musk for what he has pioneered with his now Twitter platform. A new territory for him, amongst other topics. And I know a lot have resented Elon for his wealth. But I don’t believe his initial agenda was to become rich beyond words. He followed an insight to work with physics, tech and engineering aspects, pushing beyond his ability, thus delivering great sustainable and progressive change to the world of industry and innovation. And somebody has to do it. We can all use our gifts how we wish to do so. I think with Twitter it will take tweaks and trials to create a more ideal platform to its former self. And to encourage people to create and write more. Posting quick reactions/statements less, may hopefully entice humans to consider their passions more deeply, with less about hashtags and emojis and worshiping those who seek applause for doing very little. A system partially made up of lazy and inaccurate thinking with little stability in the real world.

It will also aid those who may lack confidence and expression to become more confident. Particularly humans who have in the past felt excluded. I like the idea of setting up small groups with mentors. As opposed to the less worthy ‘high profiles’ and ‘fans.’ That said there are good role models out there who have public presence. But we have to be careful of bias with agenda behind it. And that applies to politics. A very corrupt industry right across the world. And indeed, a great deal of abuse and bullying lies within such corridors. It is not a job I could ever participate with. There are so many haters out there. And I often wonder why, if they have such a strong opinion, do they not undertake such a career in order to be heard with some kind of dignity. And with protestors, if a group of people feel so strongly to be heard, there really needs to be a common ground, because passion for change is not a crime when there is debate. To arrest in particular younger people and lock them away for wanting to help the planet will only create an ongoing hostility for their ambition. That said, public safety is important, to include privacy.

I have messed up myself on social media where I have had a glass of wine, said what I really think, then wake up to quickly delete my rage. As to be honest my real life is very peaceful, and I don’t want to portray myself as a problem maker. Although I do have strong opinions about many subjects. It is better to write an essay than post a sporadic tweet.  

It’s about putting the trust back to people who deserve a voice and giving them the tools how to do this. I also think there’s a lot of brave people using the platform who are getting a huge amount of hate speech by response. I wonder whether some of these haters would speak the same odium they type within a face to face situation. That said, and even worse are those who pay others to take a person’s privacy just to fill their own head with the private life of another. It’s a Pandora’s Box of uncontrolled emotion with no justification combined with too much time and money. We are surrounded by cowards. Hacking, stalking and intimidation must stop and soon. It is the greatest loop hole within the criminal system so far.

As tech evolves and AI (artificial intelligence) those who are not of stable minds will be given the tools to destroy others behind a keyboard, a lens or Smart Phone. And that worries me. I don’t want to spend my life changing passwords, having to restore factory settings to devices and be conscious of invasion when trying to speak to loved ones or work from home. But that’s the way this world is going unless you are privileged enough to bypass the basic methods for which most of us are limited to.

I wrote a short but sweet love letter this week. To the man I love, and it felt so good. We should never forget how special romance can be when we make small efforts. How it can improve a day, to show someone special how much we care. Especially when we cannot see them each morning. I love what has happened in the little garden outside. I just got to assume that my life would or could not ever improve, as when the wrong person becomes obsessed, believing they have some kind of connection, even when you block them and make clear they should stop.

It is about getting the right help with trained professionals, dealing with feelings that should never be directed at another. And leaving it alone. I never thought these last months could be so tough, but good did come. And it’s true the best things arrive through our darkest hours. I am sorry since some of what I have put above is repetitive. Yet I guess with over ten years of continuous abuse it all had to explode somewhere. I had assumed it would be going on for the rest of my life. But not the case. I stood in my power, shouted about it and did not give up fighting for my life. And I tell you why, I do have a spiritual faith and I am never alone.

It is a pity we cannot all take time to tap into the higher good because it is the most grounding and self-fulfilling form of healing there is and such consciousness will help us find new myriads and pathways to the people who want to give us hope and support. More so true love where both parties give mutually. I was living from one day to the next in fear. I really believed nobody would come to help. That bystanders would pretend it was not happening to me. But then how could any of us stop the unthinkable when it is all done by means of financed force.

And people who are in denial of such hateful acts of social power will never be content. Worst than evil is to allow it. Regardless of how many prizes they win, money they stack in the banks, or seemingly perfect lives they lead. You have to first suffer to realise there is always a shining star. The Yin and Yang. To feel despair and hardship, making a better future with clarity and light. But to also know that each and every one of us is deserving of a good and abundant life. To accept help, to surrender to love and to work with the love, because there are always new doors that are better together infinitively. And I so want more than anything to do as best as I can to not only work with my heart but to support my life purpose and good things.

I am better with my heart open than closed, fearful and afraid. Life is too short. But I want my privacy. Every person who wishes to thrive publicly needs his counterpart. It’s the perfect conjunction. I have never enjoyed the limelight alone, but I do applaud the constructiveness of others with great qualities on that platform of hope. We as a race are better together.

A woman who seems alone will eventually be targeted and often by those who claim to fight her corner. Be aware and tread with caution. There’s some real evil out there waiting for a gap to spread his own diseased mind to her peace and space. Women need help and women are the Lotus Flower of hope and love.

Tiffy Belle

This is all waffle. Not premeditated (as you can probably tell) since I am not so keen on sharing these days, as I am so very transitional. I have other stuff on my mind. But I feel brave. Just because you want to be quiet does not make any person a victim to the emotional shit from others who do not deal with their own baggage responsibly.

I don’t wish anyone harm. But I do know karma does work itself out in the end. And although the good seemingly suffer more on Earth. It won’t always be like that. We all get our awards universally. Time is truly boundless and faith tests us. If a flower is in the right soil and light it will be perfect during its life. If it cannot grow we change it’s position for next time. Nature gives us the right tools and it is down to society use to use them with love.

Thank you beautiful people and play Jazz because there’s so many styles of it, you will find the one right for you. Jazz does not want to harm anyone or tell you how to think. It’s love music. I have also been making my own tea and have a compost bin. Although it’s gonna take time to fill. So far there’s two banana skins, eight tea bags, a dead bunch of flowers and a bit of grass in it.  But who cares, we are trying our bit here!

Be kind folks and if you don’t like a person, fine leave them alone. They’re probably not too keen on you either. It’s all about being kind in this old world as there’s enough crap out there as it is. Hope everyone has a good week. There is more good in the world than bad. To see the positive. Love wins and love is kindness.

With Love. X

p.s. have been visiting some stunning little independent venues full of design and ambience and taking pics for my mood boards. And I will edit this blog later as it is typed badly but am done with the web for today. Time to poach the perfect free range eggs!

The Love Nest Project and Space

During time with Dad we would sit in his summerhouse and have our best chats about life. It was situated by the edge of his pond, overlooking the garden. And when he died, I missed those moments and wished I had made time for more. Realising time is precious but then learning by my regrets.

When I moved home, I decided to create a garden and enjoy my own elements of nature as I was feeling pretty miserable with life in general. All due to such awful happenings beyond my control, from a vile and dreadful man who tried to destroy everything around me. Subsequently, I invested in a small summerhouse. It’s been the best personal design project so far. And it is a space I am in love with so much. I treasure it. Everything about the design is a new love story. It is such a personal task and represents so much more, it would be impossible to explain, and it is still progressive as summer is yet to come. This ongoing journey helps me over come so many obstacles and is very beautiful. More than words could ever say. It means the world to me. So let’s carry on. This world is in such a mess, having something so simple is so good for love. It is healing with a freshness from the heart. During hardship comes new doors alongside our worst challenges.

And when we feel passionate about something, it is amazing where in the universe sentiment comes from. Some of the bits here I have found on the street or in charity shops. Junk lying around the house. The sofa becomes a bed, so next I am going to cover it in more cushions and a big soft throw. It’s a real love project, inspired by space and time travel to be honest.

New beginnings. Infinity. And the kitty is a memorial for Billy because I never got to say goodbye. I believe he was taken. It killed me, my heart broke open, as I nurtured him back to health. But during all that hate and heartache, new things rescued me. I had almost lost hope, but never my faith. So very beautiful … truly.

Intelligent, compassionate, funny, handsome. Cute! I am totally spellbound and the summerhouse is how I share my feelings. And there’s so much more. It’s ours.

Misunderstandings are all to easy with chaos amidst words and spontaneity, but with a physical imprint, there comes trust and persistence. Because we get out what we put in. I am sure you will agree. Because I said so!

Thank You for Finding Me …

With Love. X