A bit late to post this, I promised each Monday but since routine can be out of sync there’s not always enough to say from our creative mind or we just aren’t in the mood. I must try to keep on target.
Still not recovered from Billy the little rescued street cat vanishing. I have thought a lot about it. He literally did just vanish and what killed me most was the endless days and nights we both connected fighting for each breath he took. He was so very wild and sick but also happy to have found a forever home and a family. I won his trust and vice versa. He never wanted to go outside or even leave my bedroom. And when he made his best recovery, he lived in the drawer beneath my bed with his own blankets and toys and when I went to bed he would sleep above my head. Often, he would smile or even have a little tear of joy. I adored Billy. And it would not be wrong to suggest if victim to a hate attack, he was arranged to be stolen. The saddest thing is my dogs are traumatized, when I go out they worry and Angel isn’t eating and Buddy won’t let me out his sight. We all loved Billy. He was one of the tribe. If there was bad intention, you must feel so special to know you are an animal abuser. And it is fact abusers go on to harm people. Such types are the scum of humanity.
As children, most of us iron ourselves out in preparation for adult life. And last week I visited a hostel where I spoke with younger people who are victims to bullying, both on and offline. How it affects their families, work, home and mindset. I think nowadays we are as a nation more empathetic towards bullying than when I grew up (many years ago …) Where we were taught to just get on with it. And many issues left unaddressed that can go on to scar us in later years.
But it is rare in today’s society for an adult to be the playground bully. Often bullies have their own issues and rather than seek help, transfer all of that onto somebody else who is different or seemingly vulnerable.
With Billy, it was losing his trust. I believed I would always keep him safe. And if he has died it would have been alone and suffering and possibly to the former state he was in when I rescued him. It is unbearable to think any person out there wished him to suffer. Beyond all comprehension.
I don’t have enemies; I have always got along with everybody. That is apart from a couple of neighbours, but then that is due to a resentment of change and progress. I never took it personally. I expected no less. I see the good things around me.
I volunteered to have counseling. And they were lovely. The person I spoke with said, ‘you are not here because we do not believe you are being stalked. You are here so we can help you through it.’ And those words made me feel so very complete in my well being. Also returning to Twitter has helped since that is where it all began over ten years ago. I came along way since then. Getting my own house, moving to Blackpool. Being a voice for the community. Not so much on St Chad’s. But out there within the suburbs. And I set up an Instagram page named Blackpool Cat that quietly shared the real Blackpool. Such a soulful place and full of acceptance and diversity. The best community there is so far. I will always love Blackpool.
I have learned so much on Twitter about AI, politics, technology and unacceptable behaviour from keyboard warriors who are very rude to others to the point of sending sheer abuse. But that’s a reflection of the human race. I suppose it keeps the streets safe if they can pent it out online. Then there are others who portray themselves as super beings, but really, they don’t come from a happy place. I myself have given my opinion freely on matters, but then I do the same in the real world. I would never hide behind the internet. I love a good debate.
I sent my letter to somebody very extraordinary who has helped me in ways I cannot even begin to tell you that are from my heart. I wrote loads of notes, they were wrong, then it all just came out organically in one swoop. I didn’t read it back. Just posted it. It’s made me feel good to do so. We all should write more. The written word gives us more privacy. Though rather stupidly put a number on it not realizing it was a bar code. I will get there. When I love I do so fiercely and when I am hurt I walk away. Our hearts are evolving organs of hope and new beginnings. But we must also know love is progressive and circumstances change. That’s why it is so important to identify it is fine to move on to new opportunities when we get that special moment.
The past is done and gone. To hold on to the past is to remain locked in a system that cannot serve any purpose. Learn from it and grow towards the future. The best relationships I know are when two people hold hands and work through the thorns and weeds together, knowing there will always be flowers and real love can combat anything. You get out what you put in. It takes two and a lot of hard work. To not drag third parties into the equation. To talk and be honest with one another. We should never have to change for love, because most of all, love is about acceptance and trust. And opposites do attract. Because if you both have different topics to bring to the table, you will never be bored. And I also believe for those in relationships, don’t play away from home, sort it out or let it go. Nobody else needs or wants your aggravations.
Anything can be taken from the land of tech. And only one is six women report stalking for fear of being ridiculed. But murders are often carried out by what set out as stalking traits. They don’t know when to stop in belief they have a connection that is never going to be there. I really do send sympathy to any person, male or female who has lost their freedom because of it. But I can tell you, never be silenced because there are always people out there who will help. Name and shame and don’t suffer in silence. Look for the good things and keep moving.
Spent a few days taking all my pictures off my phone. Nature, the streets, memories in general and even losing my dad and the garden. When I rescued Billy, the pets, etc. I will suggest you all think about doing the same, as if your phone gets hacked you could lose your memories at the click of their finger. Got mine all buried away on a USB now. Isn’t it crazy how one week your life is what you made it yourself and the next you are the subject of bad intention and obsession? That said, evil has no destination. Love always finds a way. Self-love is the beginning. To enjoy your own space and time and the rest follows. People who do not know how to deal with their own shortfalls may put that baggage our way but it doesn’t make things right.
We all get to the same place in the end. And that’s when justice starts and despair ends. Be well everybody and take responsibility for yourselves. None of us are ever going to be perfect here but we can at least try to be kind. Not to pretend or to take it but to mean it. And I have my faults but I do good stuff and send no harm. Am proud of that.
With Love. X
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