I suppose my life has always been ‘unusual.’ I would not regard myself a ‘lucky’ person (if luck exists …) And my main descriptive word would be ‘daydreamer.’ When I love I do so fiercely and those people I tell. Because a few kind words can never be too much. I never look for the like minded, I am drawn to the genuine. And I think to have a selection of people to draw inspiration from is imperative. In the real world my way of connecting is to wander about alone and sit quietly, watching, observing, sometimes listening. And then if I do get to chat with folk, I intently churn what they say, their body language. We part ways. I reflect.
Many years ago I would take their numbers, but never call them back. Because life can become too hectic for consistent strings with new connections. I have enough. I am not afraid of loneliness or death but I am afraid of harm coming to me as a result of the obsession or bad intent of another. Who wouldn’t be. A free spirit is a sacred gift and not to be threatened.
I do however, believe we have a handful of people we keep close. It’s a two way connection, where both parties give that permission. Other than that, it can feel intrusive. We should never be forced to pay attention to any person we do not like, or wish to be in the company of. Go away. Leave me alone. Words such as this are clear requests. Our basic human rights. To leave a person alone. For every person to have their freedom from unwanted attention.
Since last November my life has been turned upside down with a combination of fear, disgust and sadness. Emotions I was not prepared for, since already I have had my obstacles. It sort of piled things on harder. The person causing this, waited for an opportunity to see a gap where he could resume what was a horrid few years for me, during a chunk of my time in Leeds.
It was phycological abuse and way back then, I thought ‘my life is over.’ ‘I am never going to get away from this.’ His partner spotted the opportunity to quickly jump on board and still, to this day, I do not understand where it all comes from. He just won’t let go and has pursued my journey and then found the address for which I tried to set up a small health club. I have at times tried to defend myself, but this has made it worse. Any reaction being exactly what they want. I have somehow become a game in their very complexed relationship. One of which I feel as though I am a worm in a jar, with no escape. It’s as though they are trying to crush my spirit.
They are two people who are far removed from who I am. One writes books about revenge and the other focuses on characters who are misfits, drawn to a female role model. From clips scattered around the web, his stories are laced with my original words and her book covers and titles, with aggressive suggestions and themes about my life and business. Neither I have watched or read. So I am no critic. It doesn’t interest me. Yet they relentlessly continue.
It has been the most challenging and draining experience of my life. Though, since it is all presented through a social media platform, I am able to ignore the pestering and wicked situations, where they use targeted formulas to pinpoint specific happenings in my life. You block them. They still find a way. It’s been a witch hunt which would for some people on the receiving end of such hate, be so very overbearing, they could lose the will to live.
I have never wanted to be famous or to gain followers based on lies and agenda. I have never desired recognition because ‘really’ I am a private person. There’s been posts about missing people, referring to family names. Missing pets similar to my own. Death threats and risks to my safety in general. It’s not a possible coincidence. The timings are copulatively put to intimidate me and it’s been happening for over ten years. Day in. Day out. And so very cowardly.
So you think, ‘I will withdraw from social presence.’ Which has been hard for me since, I love to write and I enjoy photography. Perfectly entitled to participate in life and leave my own blueprint. They chisel away. The onslaught quickens. Its pure abuse.
He recently refers to names of work contractors, my pets, artefact around the hotel (a small independent business within a deprived region of Blackpool.) Even walking the dog with my son, during a trip to Warwickshire, who is suffering with his mental disposition. I believe the stalker was offered a menu of services by a money hungry surveillance firm – and he ticked every box. Why not, I guess, he can afford it and clearly, he hasn’t got much else to do in his spare time, so he’s encroached upon mine. Knowing I dislike him and organically would not want to be anywhere near the man, he has used money to force himself upon me. I want him to get away from my world.
And she must see he is distracted elsewhere, by whatever device he has the evidence on. He will have his tracks covered. He is a hugely calculated piece of work. An insecure man, believing women should not have male friends or any type of career. Threatened by most things. A man who thrives on a stage, besotted by the sound of his own tired, warped, racist and bigoted voice of no reason. Utter Crap. Believing ‘Cunt’ to be a regular used swear word, during his hate shows. He demises the vagina. Justifies the right to intimidate and bully. That it’s fine to ‘offend and intimidate.’ Although, he carries a chip on his shoulder and frazzles his mind with relentless grudges. Using his online persona to dictate utter crap. Big news, someone copied a joke. Despite the fact we are on the verge of a cold war and kids are dying of hunger around the globe, but yes. Someone copied a joke. The irony being, most of his works transpire from my life.
I could write pages about all this stuff but I won’t. I am just going to try and live like nobody is watching. I have come a long way these last five years. And they continue. He plays her off with his formulas, she reacts by attacking me. It’s so very childish. For about five years it was bearable, as I stopped looking at the taunts. Feeling it must be awful for both of them having such a small minded approach to their personal habits. But when it escapes the web and manifests into actual spyware and an invasion of my own space, you look to see where else he has asked them to put a camera or control a drone.
Whether he and his other criminals can see what you’re wearing (or not.) It’s as though I am living in the land of nowhere. No different to any other prisoner. All I can say to any person out there witnessing such acts of cruelty. If you know any person who is suffering at the hands of abuse and intimidation, don’t be a bystander. Imagine if you lost your basic human rights to an obsessive manipulator, who will become worse with age. A manic depressive with a drink problem. A man who thrives on dishing out misery. God Help Me.
It is worrying to realise that any person with an unhealthy obsession can implement technology to follow a person around their home, outdoors, in the car and also their family and associates, for the rest of their life. To the point of, they must flea their home and business. Hence stealing the soul of another’s livelihood. New material for their work, a sense of freedom at the hands of theft. It’s the most shockingly awful revelation of my entire life.
And this is really happening. It’s like fiction has spiralled out of control, toward their insane mindsets of delusion and monotony. That they chose me to try to destroy. Self declared atheists, they are not. They are walking demons, using the vulnerability of sheep as cloak and dagger. They relish the game of cruelty. They are abusers. And they know what they do. Although their adorning fans do not. Mere shields for their ego. Poor people that would probably be mortified to learn the truth of their intention.
Highly regarded for all they ‘tweet’ about animal welfare. I would love to see them get up at 5.30 am, to muck out rescue pens and take in new pets. He can pat a dogs head for a charity and be deemed a hero. How can a man who terrorises a woman when she is alone endorse a ban on Trophy Hunting, when he himself participates. To claim he wishes to stamp out ‘experimenting on animals’ when he places a woman’s freedom behind bars. He is fake. They both are. And the foolish buy into it. That’s fine, it takes all sorts. I just want rid of their stagnant shit, to wish them well on their road to whatever it is they want to be known best for, in truth. All the energy they put into my own little world, would be best spent addressing the causes they claim to support. To turn their obsession to something far more productive.
The positive aspect of this, it has made me fight harder to keep my own identity and intuition in tact. I have found new ways to find joy. I pray more and I am eternally awake and true to my own self and goals. Realising no person can ever escape obsession and wealth. The tech can follow us anywhere, even to the shower. The pillow and our family homes.
It’s been a tough week. My mom and son joined me in Lytham. We are all very different and it’s part of adjusting and trying to balance. Last night, I went out for a couple of drinks and got chatting to a lovely family. It was the dog that bought me to them. He’s a beauty.
Have a great week folks. Be safe and well. I am not sure whether my blog and website will remain on the web. I hope so but since keylogging gives any person who indulges, unauthorised access etc, fingers crossed for my journey. I have nowhere that is safe now. Nowhere at all.
We must remind ourselves in times of persecution and unnecessary hatred. The world is in a mess and all of our attention should be on the focus of helping those less fortunate. There are better ways for many to spend their time and money. And whilst social media is good for awareness, it is not so productive for communities. Community is with both feet on the pavement. To be constructive in the world as though technology does not exist at all. To become tribes of goodness and make progress with air and compassion. Let no man stop this natural form of light work.
I must wish the good people luck. Stand up, for we are shifting to a new and better dimension. Do not bow to scum. Respect a good leader and see the truth of intention. As though the red bracelet of hope for my friend. Thank You. You’re doing great. You come from The North. And I will, as promised, always pray for your courage. Be wise. I remain a socialist but we can all come together to craft one beautiful big tapestry. We just have to shake off the elitist lizards, for which have no goodwill to help this world. Thick skinned, vulgar tongued and lost.
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