Tag: death

Little Dog on a Window Ledge. We’re missing Foley #Diary

This is not a good day. I’m writing my book and reliving parts of the past I’d forgot. I’m preparing to drive back to Leeds. I arrived in Warwickshire with Foley who was well. He had a wet nose, healthy appetite and could still run around in the park.

I’m driving home without him. I know ‘especially taking the horrid happenings in the world to account’ it may seem dramatic. But I loved him so much. He was a daily part of all that I did. Driving back to Yorkshire without my best friend is going to hurt. He was innocent, harmless, so pure and forgiving. An unconditional friend that loved me no matter what.

Today, I’ve just felt down in the dumps. I tell myself how must the family feel of the lady who was killed in London by senseless murderers. She’d just taken her two children to school. How must that family feel as they prepare for their first weekend without the heart of their family. This just makes it all worse.

There is kindness and unity everywhere. Yet, we must not forget the suffering. I really do wish people would value all aspects of life. Non of us are here to kill or harm through acts of malice and resentment.

I just wish I could have another day with Foley. Just to stroke him and tell him how things are. But, writing this book is a release. It’s funny, emotional and very frankful. I do love to write. I equally miss Foley. Just not knowing he’s lying by my feet or sitting in the back of the car. Waiting at the door for me to come home. Sitting by me as I cook. Running ahead of me through woodlands and fields.

It’s just not the same anymore and I can’t cheer myself up today. I’ve always tried to inspire and it often meets brick walls. Yet I suppose some days there’s nothing wrong to admitting it’s fine to not feel happy.

Angel hasn’t got off the window ledge since he passed. I’m sure she’s waiting for him to come back. Her last memory was him being taken away wrapped in his blanket to be cremated. She doesn’t understand. Yet, I do know that a part of him is very much with us. It’s only human to feel this pain I suppose. Most days are fine, then I get one like this when my heart just breaks open. 21 years is going to take time to recover. He was so beautiful in all ways. Sigh.

angelwindow

Tiffany. X

by Tiffany Belle Harper

Death Hurts to be Reborn for the Spring by Tiffany Belle Harper

A quick blog … I’ve a long drive today. Not been too vocal here or social web.

I’ve not been well. It’s cyclical. Each year I get the same ailments. I’ve been more sensible this time and liaised with my GP. She is also a client of mine, having reiki and massage with me on a monthly basis. I want to be well as I’ve so much to do for 2016. I’ve made personal pledges and goals.

Spiritual people have a hard time in mainstream. Once we step away from the comfort of the like-minded we are open to negativity, doubt, rivalry,malice and all of the weaker aspects of mankind inflicted upon our burden to heal.

The awake are brave to venture from their comfort zones. Yet like the Buddhist pilgrims, we have news to share. Like the prophets of time we have to face the rabble in its worst form. The awake are a mixture of messengers and shamans. It is not circumstantial to know what part we play. For ego with title is irrelevant. We are one …

I’ve had just about every test going. My beautiful white blood cells are working over time for me. The good news is that everything within me is healthy apart from a virus that shows in my tests, the medical people are unable to pinpoint. I don’t eat red meat yet I have a high count of iron. My GP said that my blood is rich in battle.  I believe I have a sadness in me that is a result of my own sensitivity. I have a rare deficit that my body will not beat after almost 5 weeks of trying, I am drained. I return in two weeks for another blood test to see if I am able to fight this with my own bodies mechanism. I do not have blood cancer nor HIV and my liver and heart are healthy and running to perfection. So my white blood cells are high which means they are trying to fix me.

I am in  so much pain …  feel I am being attacked on a deep spiritual level.  As though victim to a voodoo cloud of hate towards me … But that it is meant to be. Only I understand this so I shall not try to explain. It’s my fight – it’s about energy, rising to a higher level. For some it’s easier than this.

I have the love of my family that embodies me, deeply. My flame, my sons.

To the love of my life … We are more than social platforms for we are invisible there – as determined by the divine. To do greater things in flesh. Hold me tight…

 

sweet peas

For the critics who assume that holistic therapists and spiritual teachers do not get ill, we do actually tend to suffer more because we are sensitive to the angst in the world.

Those who say to mystics, ‘so why don’t you win the lottery if the answers are within?’ I reply, ‘because love does not require wealth of that kind.’

Sadly those that doubt us most, do nothing more than thrive on material gain …

The dark months have never been good for me. I spend a lot of time in the North of England and it is said that the closer we are to The North, the less daylight  – the more we are prone to this type of thing. Maybe I am suffering an abnormal bout of the winter blues. So of recent weeks I remain in the South or Middle of the UK.

I feel such physical pain right now but I am positive and I am confident that I will soon be strong. Strong enough to do the work I am assigned with my other.

No man is an island. I have spent the last few months in virtual incubation to relinquish the system generated by main stream ego, deceit and agony agitated by sheep like behavior of many who constantly seek someone to blame for the mess this gorgeous planet is feeling. Mother nature is slowly dying but she can be reborn if we continue to spread the abundance of humanity in ever way possible. I have worked tightly with the energy of love – my other. Taking the burden for us both.

We must not forget to laugh, to find fun in the mundane and have fun. Fun is the biggest healer. To find pleasure in all that is quirky, twisted and energetic. To leave ego and narcissistic patterns behind – seeing the loveliness where we are able. Being spontaneous and open to our fellow creatives …

I am under going a metamorphism, a humongous shedding of what is behind. I am embracing all that I can manifest for a bright new year. I want to be well.

Sorry if this all sounds deep and rather miserable. But I did not want any of you to think I’d gone away or forgotten you. That will ‘never’ happen.

I’ve been writing little love poems too, making good use of my time in remission, so I shall put some on here over the coming days. Plus I hope to update my music on YouTube. So many enjoyed sharing the eclectic mix of tunes. I miss that so much. I love it when I am sent videos and music to enjoy and share. More so sourcing and exploring my own taste. I believe music and/or sport are so much better to unite us than religion, although I try to collate this way too with Belleva. A site dedicated to bring  you all closer, regardless of origin, belief or journey.

I am loved, you are loved. We are one. We are everything that can heal.

There’s so much we have planned for you. It will be fun .. sit tight. You’re in for the ride of your life …

~Namaste~

Tiffany Belle Harper.

To Be Continued ….

 

by Tiffany Belle Harper