Thoughts and Mood – Memories – Pictures – Sadness

I am sorting out all my photographs for the past few years. I have been places I’ve forgotten. I am not going to stay in Blackpool. I cannot stay here. I need to be free to see the people I love. There’s too much crap going on here. I am not a quitter. I am going to make things work but I won’t be living here for the rest of my life. No way. I need to stay on my journey and be near to my heart. This is no prison. No way. The way things are with isolation are no different for me. I live like this anyway. I am paying my rent each month on time to people who are not even keeping up with mortgage payments as far as I am aware. They speak to me terrible and I feel afraid to be in this house. It’s not fair and it is not right. I have a family too and I am worth more. I have felt like a prisoner here since June 13th 2018. I don’t fit in. A lot of the neighbours hate me and I don’t even know them. I am no man’s slave. I have lived in a shed and being happier.

This is not how love should feel for us. We do too much and it is going to stop. Just looking through my pictures has made me see that life is too short to be afraid. To live in fear. To hide from bullies. Words will never explain what’s happened here. I am putting it behind me but there’s always been the love of my life and my sons. My pets. I won’t ever let them down. We must stay home and save lives. We must do this to stop the pandemic spreading. It is not so tough for me as I am in this routine but I know how you feel. I believe I have been subjective to modern day slavery mainly by means of Groupon for six months of what I can only describe as hell. Blackmail. Bribery and fear in so many ways. No more. I am better than that. To be kind and conscientious does not mean being dragged down into the gutter with those who have no morals. I don’t steal. I don’t take advantage of anyone. So why the fuck should I take it. No Way!

You don’t need to live in a business to run it. Other people don’t so I am not. No Way! I need all of nature not just the sea. I need to know I can put on my wellies and get out there when all this has blown over. I feel sad for us all at the moment. We all need light at the end of this tunnel. God only knows I pray for it each day. There’s one special person who has stood by me. And I am glad I don’t have to ever tell you who he is. Because I ain’t sharing him. And also my son who has done so much. I am just fortunate I suppose that I am loved by return somewhere along this weird journey I am on now. I don’t care about money. I can live on waste. I care about being happy in my heart with the people I love sharing nature with me. Perhaps this was not the right time to sort my pictures out. Or perhaps it is. I have a beautiful new project but I do is worry someone is going to damage the property or try to make it even tougher for me. Tomorrow will be a better day. I have made some life long friends here. It’s not all bad. And I want to see Marc shine. He will manage the new project and he will be good. I have lessons to learn from. I am growing in spirit and I guess I did ask the universe to give me only what I could deal with.

I just feel guilty for putting my loved ones through it. And I am sorry. Thanks for waiting for me. I want to spread love not animosity. Am going for a dance. It will be okay then. Being on a computer is not good in long doses. Bores the shit out of me. I suppose at least I have not spent my years playing safe with the same people in the same place doing the same things. I have gone out there to find my purpose. To learn from life without the ivory tower. Street value. Street lessons. I love the streets. Love the cities, love the hills. Love wooden huts and caravans. Variety is indeed the spice of life and we don’t need to be rich to learn that. Quite the opposite. We need to be free of greed.

Below is Evie when she was a puppy in Leamington Spa near my family home.

Tiffany. X

 

Janet Alleyne at Home (a real goddess) role model – everything!

The most beautiful soul who has helped me through so many challenging times. Women need to come together and not drive one another apart. The world needs strong women who are mothers, sisters, daughters and friends. We both adore our sons. She’s one of my favourite role models for so many reasons. Janet is also on instagram sharing her private world, pets and family. I hope you enjoy her as much as we do. I love her very, very much. Click image above to go there. Thank You Janet to you and yours. From me and mine. Xx

I am going to make a video with Janet’s baking on it and put it here to share with you all very soon.

Candle Making and Mental Health

I used to create hampers and hope to do this again in the future but I never made time to make my own candles to put in them. Last week I decided to have a go and I am pleased with the results for a first attempt. I purchased from a site based in the UK found on the internet. There’s a few that offer door to door delivery. I purchased soya pillar wax, cruelty free oils for scent and natural colouring. I also added some edible flowers as we don’t have flowers here at the moment. I do intend on potting up soon.

The wax had to be melted to around 90 degrees and then left to cool to around 55 degrees. It is suggested you add 10% oil (scent) to the weight of wax used. I added a tiny drop of colour to create pink or blue candles. I used glasses and cups I had available, following all guidelines. I prepared each vessel with a wick that sticks to the base of the candle holder.

I made these candles

Then I made a second batch using no colour and only essential oils, I added lavender, orange oil, almond oil and dried lavender too. They look bloody awful but smell good. Just thought I would share this info, as candle making is a good past-time. It was not costly. Been practising gel nails. That’s a different story. Not sure what I did wrong but the shellac just peeled off. Back to the drawing board. Am trying to make use of some of the bits I bought during the summer to do something for myself. Now there is time.

I realise that funds will be tight for many. That’s why writing is so therapeutic and setting up a blog is actually free. It’s a good way to keep in touch with friends and family. You can add pictures of your journey too. These next weeks we must try our best to stay indoors. The UK has reached a peak with the pandemic. I do worry people will be focusing on fake news. But we can all come together and be kind. It is good to see people supporting charities not necessarily with money but with contributions of what they can do with their crafts to raise awareness and community spirit. And remember a blog does not have to be topical or for people to understand, it can be a journal so you can remember your journey. People have asked me, but what is your blog about? I tell them, nothing really, it’s just mine to keep.

Anyone who does or who has ran/owned a bed and breakfast will know during peak season under normal circumstances, we can do 18 hour shifts. It is not a job that can make you rich but you grow in knowledge. You get to share the good and the bad times of so many strangers who are taking precious time out. I have made so many mistakes as I had no idea what I was doing. So this is a time for me to reflect on what I have learned in the industry so far and move forward with a more logical head. You can’t run a business with just your heart as you will get trampled on. You have to do in your spare time acts of goodwill and in the meanwhile focus on making good of what you rely on for an income – as when hard times come you can be left depleted.

Now during these times, we may experience self doubt, worry and paranoia. This applies to everyone. We need to remember there are people to talk with, albeit online or the phone or to write and find ways to share your feelings, as mental illness is awful when we are faced with new situations. Even our pets feel the change. The birds know things are different. There are many aspects of nature that will be missing us now. I know the seagulls are wondering where the scraps are out there. We are all working together.

Jealousy, greed and ego are parallel now to acts of sincerity where there is poverty. There are those less fortunate that won’t change and those that will change. We need to keep ourselves well to the best of our ability. I worry for the food workers. I worry as we need them to keep our food fluid. To search for often small businesses that deliver to the door. To make good of food. When I was homeless I learned to make very little go a long way. I hate throwing food away. This is not the best time to preach about diets to people who are living from hand to mouth. If you are starving you will take food from a bin.

Being extreme in our views now will inevitably make people feel isolated, as though they are excluded. I believe the food chain should be organic and away from factory production. I see nothing but packaging and waste in the world but that’s something we can address by being humble in our choice of food. When we look to save money the right resources flourish. If  you are 100% vegan, there are many groups to pioneer this. But to attack people for their own choice at this difficult time is a form of bullying. With facts and kindness people will learn to adjust their preferences. Brut force and alienation is a wicked game.

I use a local supplier and local farm to purchase my breakfast supplies and my new project will be vegan and vegetarian if it takes off. My new project is more about lifestyle. But I manage a bed and breakfast, also. A bed and breakfast is for visitors of all creed, colour and style. It’s not a platform to hand out opinions. But a retreat is more niche. It’s not easy learning new skills but I am trying. I am trying to involve myself with my kids interests as we have grown apart due to us all working so hard. I bought my children up on music. It’s all we could afford to do as a family. Music helps. Stay safe. Be kind. Stay off the habits and obsessions it won’t help you and just leave people to enjoy what they have at this time.

Have a good weekend. Happy Easter. Tiff. X