doodling – book #diary

My name’s Tiffany Harper. I realised life wasn’t all it seemed when I was just seven. My nan who I adored died. I spent most of my time with her. I knew she wasn’t well because towards the end I wasn’t allowed to visit. I used to come home for school dinners and most days I would see her. Then my mum said she had to take care of nan so I had to stay at school all day. I hated it there. I wrote letters to my parents and left them outside their bedroom door. Here’s one of them.

Dear mummy and daddy,

Please let me come home at dinner time. They make me eat all the vegetables until I am sick. I hate peas the most. I want to come home and have beans on toast. If it’s the money you can keep my pocket money. I cannot carry on like this. Tiffany.

Needless to say, I didn’t get a response or an explanation. One-night, mum took to her bedroom and as she sat on the end of her bed while I stood in front of her. She gently told me nan had died and I would not see her again. Then, she went downstairs. I didn’t know about religion or spirituality. I just thought she’d vanished?

I went to my bedroom and shouted at the sky explaining you cannot just take someone away from me without letting them say goodbye. Then, I asked the big space up above with twinkling stars and a full moon with a smiling face to bring her back. From then on very strange things would happen to me that I could not explain. I was often utterly terrified. It certainly was not my nan doing this as she wouldn’t want to scare me. I was not in control and things would wake me in the night.

My life has not been easy. It’s been extremely emotional and traumatic where I have experienced immense cruelty and violence. Yet, I’ve never got ‘used’ it. I’ve never accepted abuse as a part of my routine. Equally, I’ve not transmitted this to others. It’s made me more loving and empathetic to my children, family and friends. And of course, animals.

I’ve strive to used my experiences to help others. To this day I continue to do so. I’ve made mistakes. I will make many more. But I hope by sharing my book, which relays a difficult yet extremely colourful chapter in my life. It will give others the will to succeed in ways that find an inner peace and alignment with our soul purpose. This does not involve extreme wealth or winning merits at every opportunity. It is much, much more than that.

I don’t mention ‘age’ too much within the chapters. As, to me, we are as old as our experiences and ventures. There are children that are wiser than adults. It is about our interaction with society. Community. All aspects of living is that which defines us. This book is a diary of events. Within each chapter a story from present to past. Past to present. In no particular order. A journey from Warwick to Leeds that extends to Wales, Derby and Leicestershire. And at the point of writing this – unknown destinations to come. That’s the joy of a free-spirit. We never quite know what lies ahead. So as the chapters unfold – join me on an expedition of inner freedom, mindset and the strength of Law of Attraction. Together with the blockades of fear and self-value. We are all human and will have many imperfections within ‘self’ along the way of our own unique pathways.

I’ve had my heart ripped out too many times to mention. I can deal with strangers and confrontation. I fight for truth. I stand by justice. I don’t think it’s below me to sit on the floor with those who have fallen. I have as much substance as I do faults. But when the people we let into our lives and grow to trust devalue our presence. When they turn to hate and resentment, seeking means to hurt us. When we lie awake at night foreboding about the future and how to get by on a day to day basis. Despite the fact we have helped those who are less fortunate. Polished the halo’s of millionaires and campaigned for animals around the world. When this angers others, we have to stand still and evaluate the types of people we have attracted into our energy field. How they got there and how we can improve, so that our efforts are rewarded with the like-minded. Not the vapid system which allows parasites into our realms. Who take. Do not give back and who live without consequence according to their financial circumstances and public persona. Who live an illusion using means such as social media – mainstream media and digital media. There is so much more than this. To offset the undertones of hardship laid out as above.

I’ve had the pleasure of meeting so many warm hearted, giving and gracious people from all walks of life during my journey. It’s taught me there is so much love in the world. That those who give most, want less. Therefore, they are somewhat voiceless. Its about trying out best. Never giving up and always moving forward until we find that special place to rest in the arms of unconditional friendship. Things can only change when we tell the truth. When we are not afraid to reveal who we really are.

We all have a specific given soul purpose. We can learn a lot about others by finding their mission in life. For instance. An actor will always be on a stage. We will never know who they are. A comedian is able to hide their manic state and extreme views behind laughter. Those with music can heal broken wounds or stoke the fire. A politician being a change maker. This can be for the light or dark. That’s why there’s multiple sides in establishments. It’s about who we choose to influence our world on a day to day basis. To keep going. To not fear love. To realise this life is but a small part of the infinite journey through time. There are always fork ways. We choose the easy root or the unknown way. The people we let into our life can be as destructive as purposeful. Sometimes it’s better to walk alone without fear than be led into the darkness.

So, my book will be a diary of events that defines who I am today. How I found help in unlikely places. How I experienced abuse in unlikely places. Bringing a few smiles too. It all started with a few mannequins. How it will end. At this point I do not know. I suppose when I get to the last chapter, I can bring you more.

mannequin2

I believe to write you have to live in the real world to gain the material that will engage the people who want to wake up. I don’t understand how anyone can sit at home all day and find enough material to share with others. This is why writing takes time for me.

I love it when Spring arrives – TBH©

Mynydd Epynt Mountain #Powys #Wales #diary contemplative – freedom plus #video

I guess we all have days of self-loathing. I woke up in one of them. I don’t like myself when I feel angry by social injustice. It’s better to find resolve and peace within. I am however, hugely protective of friends and family. I’m passionate (which is not always ideal) and I wear my heart on my sleeve. It does get me into trouble but I’m very happy when enjoying my own space. 

I decided to step back from my book as I begun to drabble on. It wasn’t going anywhere (for today). So, went off exploring and found myself at the top of Mynydd Epynt Mountain. I wept – it was so very gorgeous. Magnificent. Dips and curves within valleys – as though I could see the entirety of Earth from one perspective. Small towns and little villages dotted amongst such stunningly enchanted landscape.  

I often feel irritated as I can’t find words to designate toward the exquisiteness before me. Therefore – I’m grateful to my camera that still hasn’t done this spectacularly perfect landscape the righteousness it so deserves. 

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

 

Thank You Mother Nature 

TBH©

A Quiff in Little Malvern – #Vlog Worcestershire #TravelBlog plus #Video

From Warwick to Malvern my dog ‘Angel and me are staying in a quirky little wooden cabin in the middle of nowhere. Perfect for writing, reading, all things pensive. There’s a poor internet signal making it idyllic. No distractions. Focusing only on travel, food and photography, whilst enjoying life alfresco style. Malvern Hills being right on our doorstep together with many local attractions.

It’s a strange transition as normally we’d be with Foley – Tibetan Terrier who died in my arms a couple of weeks ago, age 21. I had to get away. To reflect and remember. Plus, I wanted to get Angel used to being without him as quickly as possible. He’s sorely missed but I can only treasure so many fond memories. In particular travelling, finding quaint places and retreats in the United Kingdom. We have a glorious country and much remains unexplored by so many.

First day we drove from Welland to Little Malvern. I noticed signs saying ‘Open Gardens.’ It was like a treasure hunt. On finding what I assumed was the house (where the last sign was located.) I drove into a lavish driveway then parked the car. I could see the superb topiary to the side of the big stone dynasty. Angel cocked her leg up a well sheered ornate hedge folly in full view of her audience. A group of posh type people sitting in the study, each wall top to bottom in leather backed books. They reminded me of ventriloquist dummies. Rigid. There wasn’t much I could do to avoid our introduction. She was desperate. My only relief, she didn’t follow with a poop.

Watch this video then keep reading … it gets better.

We entered the garden, the views incredible. I began to fumble around for my camera. A lady came to the side door. She wore an apron. Had immaculately set dark grey hair with a well lacquered quiff to the front. A stern look upon her face. I smiled, expecting her to greet me. As the ‘Open Garden’ event was for a charitable cause I assumed she’d come for my donation.

“What do you think you’re doing?” she asked. I thought it was obvious. I’d come to admire the garden and get into the community spirit. I am sucker for fundraising.

“I’ve come to the ‘Open Garden’ day I told her.

“Well … it’s not here and anyway dogs aren’t allowed.”

My immediate reaction was to explain I’d simply followed the signs. Then I wondered why she didn’t advise me where I had gone wrong and to guide me in the right direction? Clearly, there was not going to be any banter other than to ward me from her property.

I decided rather than stoop to her level I’d better leave. I was trespassing in her back garden with a dog that couldn’t stop weeing on everything. We sort of meandered off and drove away, parking directly opposite in the Church car park that was well signed yet, I’d  missed it on the way in.

Leaving Angel in the car I took a tour round Little Malvern Priory. It was exquisite – the Vicar had just finished a sermon. The congregation just leaving. There’s always those that saunter to be acknowledged by the Vicar on exit, as though they’ll be nearer to God if they do.  I noticed many of them resembled the woman whose garden my dog showered upon in abundance.

The Vicar told me I could spend as much time as I wanted, take photographs – as long as I closed the door. He was a jolly old soul. An air of sincerity about him. I liked that. There was just me in there and for ten minutes or so I took time to reflect on this year’s events. I thanked the universe for all the mishaps, as it had made me grow as a person. I spoke with Foley then left. Not sure whether he heard me, but I felt better for it. Churches are good for things like that.

DSC_0050We continued our drive to Great Malvern town, then walked down the promenade. It was a lovely day. Even the rude woman made it more colourful. I hope she reads this, if so, thank you.

Arriving back to my log cabin, I watched a movie then did some writing. There’s more to come. Spring is here and the weathers on our side. I’m doing what I love best – being lost in new places. No sense of time. A head full of words and a camera to treasure moments amidst towns and rural settings.

It’s my first UK trip in 21 years without Foley. It’s not the same without him but the memories are with us every step of the journey. Next stop will be …. Let’s see what tomorrow brings. Best things happen on impulse, I seldom plan ahead. It’s too conventional – I’m rubbish at stuff like that.

Tiffany Belle Harper.