An activist is a person who fights for justice. An activist is a person who will normally work alone or address a group directly by means of social expression – making clear their protest. I am an activist. More so in my younger years, I campaign for animal rights and women’s rights (in no order).

A bully/stalker – on the other hand – will use methods that are hard to detect. Normally patterns. They watch and absorb their target. Best planning how to ridicule or cause them hardship without making it obvious to others their true intentions. A bully will seldom work alone and may have a tight knit group who embrace the cycle and in turn gain pleasure. Alternatively, a bully gains support by fear using his/her/their closest allies as shields to disguise their motives.

A bully may target their victim due to being different or vulnerable. A bully may also target a victim who seems unbreakably strong and resilient. A bully will use reverse phycology to hide their tracks. This is exceptionally damaging to their victims who may feel helpless due to the depth of the bullying.

An activist will work from a sense of obligation to justice. A bully will work from a sense of worthlessness.

It is true, most bullies are insecure and much of what they do has no root cause other than lack of self-esteem. If you are being bullied. Please remember, you do not deserve this. It is not your fault and things can get better.

A bully will thrive on knowing they are affecting your wellbeing. Alternatively, they will become increasingly frustrated if they feel ignored. By having support around you, a bully will normally retreat for fear of being exposed. Whereas an activist will fight to expose.

Here’s a few pointers to follow to identify the degree of bullying/stalking you may be suffering. Although, not restricted:

• Does the bully know their behaviour disrupts your work or personal life?
• Have you asked them to stop but they continue?
• Do they follow your social media activity and make reference, despite you blocking them?
• Do they try to build bridges with your connections, friends and interests whilst excluding you? (A means to use their position to make you feel isolated).
• Do they use power, following, fans and/or money as a tool against you?
• Do they provoke you during your working hours? Thus, stopping your confidence to build to an income.
• Are their movements reactionary to your statements on a regular (or constant) basis?
• Are you aware they discuss you in your absence while you are unable to represent your view?
• Do they/he/she avoid speaking face to face with you about their behaviour. (for online bullying in particular?).
• Has the bully made indirect or actual suggestions about your safety?
• Has the bully made you feel insecure about living, working or travelling alone?
• Does the bully try to intimidate any support you may have around you in a similar way? i.e. Children, peers, friends, social companions. (Possibly, a means to make you feel the bully is in control).

Make notes, record the patterns. You will find the bully/stalker is more transparent than you may think and in most cases others have also noticed the pattern that disrupts your wellbeing.

Finally, tell someone. No matter what age you are or what position you are in, don’t be an island. Stand close to those who love you. Life’s too short to carry this on your own.

One of our biggest lessons is to learn about detachment. That most things cannot ‘really’ harm us unless we allow them too. When we ‘let go’ of the cycle of hate towards us it will transmit and move away. It is a case of finding inner harmony and pleasures that derive from new directions. To open new doors.

Less is More. TBH©

Often when we confide about our experiences, it is surprising how others relate. Most of us are victim to bullying at some point in our lives. Please remember, you are worth more. Your life can be wonderful. You are in control of your destiny and the more you focus on the positive, the faster new opportunities will embrace your confidence. Remember. Attention goes where energy flows.

One day at a time. Be gentle with yourself. Stay away from the places you feel most pain. Close the lid on your phone or laptop. Something better will appear, before you know it. Visualise being in a new job with likeminded people or joining an optimistic online forum geared specifically towards your hobbies. Or visiting a natural place of beauty that attracts other visitors. There’s good things happening and they are there for you.

Remember, most bullies are stuck in their ways and would like to hold you there too. Move on and start now. Through darkness, comes light. One day you may go on to be the activist and help others up who are down there where you ‘once’ came from.

Tiffany Belle Harper ©