Those who constantly hide within their own ‘inner child’ often ‘placebo’ mindset should not assume they are entitled to bully others due to their own immaturity. Perhaps time to consider ‘growing up’ for at least some part of their wreckless journey. To me, the only way to be the child is to walk amongst them and not hold them as weapons for merit. For we learn more from the young than we can ever be ourselves. TBH©
There’s a lot of people of all age groups, being attacked online. Mostly with indirect ways from bullies and stalkers who use their majority or influence to persecute the vulnerable. To include men and women with mental health issues. This has to become illegal. If those who do the deeds are not prepared to speak face to face with the voiceless and/or vulnerable who have every right to enjoy all aspects of social media – to include YouTube – the bully/bullies should be held accountable in court and face their consequences. Bullying costs livelihood, well being and worst case, bullying cost lives. It is a horrid vicious cycle to be in. Furthermore, no volunteer or care worker should feel unable to participate in group activity. Speaking directly is the best way forward. Only a coward would refuse to do so. If you endorse, encourage or participate in the bullying process, you are just as bad.
It is better to stand on your own two feet than fall into a spiteful mass of which has no purpose. TBH ©
I am still making and selling my hampers for Christmas and I am donating them also to raffles for smaller causes and individuals suffering hardship. Contact me Here
I Love You. Tiffany. X
A few years ago, during recovery from an accident – I set up a small internet business promoting pet services and products. It was a real learning curve. I did an online course and got myself building quite a comprehensive directory for pet amenities. I set up a Twitter account and off I went to work.
I am quite a bubbly person and I can chat with anyone, when I am left to it. So, I soon got new customers and I really looked after them. I believe taking it away from social media and to a phone conversation is the greatest selling point. This way we can really connect with the people.
There was another lady was also running a pet service directory. I discovered this when I started to get very awful emails saying I was copying her? I didn’t even know who she was etc. I did a bit of research then tried to involve myself by showing I had no bad intent. I even went into Leeds to buy samples of fabric to make her a pet bed that she didn’t want in the end. I offered her my number to speak with her to reassure her I had no bad intention. She seemed fine with me – despite not wanting to talk by phone. But I noticed the nastiness was still going on and I was baffled?
Eventually I closed down the pet services website, as for some reason it created all types of trouble, from the most unlikely of places. Perhaps it was a bit of jealousy, I don’t really know? Previously I had ran quite a large tangible business selling mannequins. I had never really used social media before. Relying solely on SEO and email marketing and then meetings in person.
There was a woman who has a pet boutique who decided to spread gossip about me, saying I was bullying the other woman with the pet directory. Not once did I enter into the conversation, get involved or comment. I was so embarrassed that I was being dragged into a saga so far removed from where my life was then? My son, myself and the pets all needed feeding. I’d lost my home and I wasn’t very well. But that’s the sort of thing you certainly do not shout about when you are trying to sell advertising space. It all became very small minded and clicky. I felt very alone. I began to hate life and became very depressed. I am not ambitious, I am passionate and I have to love what I am doing.
By this time, I had become consumed with animal welfare issues. I cannot help it. I am a born activist and socialist. I am true to my core values, preferring to speak in person. So, between the worry of this online gang of women sending me troll messages and emails. Wanting to save every animal and person in the world and not having any money due to the industry and how little people are prepared to pay. I closed it down and got away from the whole thing. I set up a small Twitter page and just campaigned for animals in the evening. I made new friends and loved it.
Years later, the woman with the pet boutique started to get involved with a cause I was a volunteer for and she did the same thing all over again. Gossiping, false accusations etc. Yet, all I had done was share her posts, encourage her support, write blogs for her and do as much as I could, putting the past behind me. I actually believed kindness had prevailed and things were fine. But sadly, despite this, it interweaved with a woman who writes books and lives with a comedian who also despise me. So, between the lot of them they kept the hate ongoing. It was like a bad rash that would not go away? It was my dad who said, “perhaps your giving ways make them see their flaws, Tiffany?”
I made so many videos for the cause, managed Twitter. Any opinions I had towards hate crimes I would address from my own accounts. I visited numerous rescues and events for the cause. I paid for all the equipment to do this and for the travel costs. I went all over the country for the cause. I built a blog. I took professional photographs. It became a full time job. I wanted nothing by return. Just to be respected as a volunteer – giving myself freely. I never got any thanks, but I did it for the animals. I had only them to thank for my recovery. I remember once being scolded for wearing a dress and not my tee-shirt. I think that’s about all the feedback I received.
I’ve been through so much worse though. And I look back and see how much more I have learned about business, social media and well, sheer nastiness. How to keep away from gossiping and jealousy. I have grown because of hate. But the one sad thing is, the animals. To try to push away volunteers who are often used as slaves to the organisations they do so much for is a sorry state. Many volunteers’ are suffering personal problems. It is doing something good and giving back that heals them. I was supporting many of them both on and off line. I wanted to give them a hand up as I was down there once and no-one came to help me.
Throughout all of the above situation I have asked the small group of women to speak with me face to face. Offering my phone number, contact details. To clear their darker thoughts and see that I am fine with my inner conscience. But not one of them would talk with me face to face. Even to this day, they hate me. And this is ‘social’ media. I beg to differ. It can also be a cowards paradise.
It’s all very childish but I wanted to share this story as I have heard some sad stories this morning from people I have spoken with on the phone who are being bullied. They think what they are going through is not worthy of representation. Well, it is. All forms of bullying are unacceptable. And it is true. Those who often seem strong and resilient are targeted more because they refuse to engage in the gossip. Stay strong. It really does happen to more of us than you know. Remember, your phones and laptops are just boxes, you can close the lid. But never feel alone or too afraid to talk about the way it makes you feel.
I have now set up a new small online business, alongside many other interests and hobbies. Yet, okay the traits are ongoing from the same group of critics. But it’s different now. I really don’t give a shit. Because I realise there is much more goodness out there than bad. I am thankful for my journey. It teaches me to grow and improve despite the niggles. I am never going to let another person make me unwell either physically or emotionally again. I am worth much more than that.
Tiffany. X
For Joyce. Please come for tea with me when you are better. No matter where in the UK I am – I will pick you up.
An activist is a person who fights for justice. An activist is a person who will normally work alone or address a group directly by means of social expression – making clear their protest. I am an activist. More so in my younger years, I campaign for animal rights and women’s rights (in no order).
A bully/stalker – on the other hand – will use methods that are hard to detect. Normally patterns. They watch and absorb their target. Best planning how to ridicule or cause them hardship without making it obvious to others their true intentions. A bully will seldom work alone and may have a tight knit group who embrace the cycle and in turn gain pleasure. Alternatively, a bully gains support by fear using his/her/their closest allies as shields to disguise their motives.
A bully may target their victim due to being different or vulnerable. A bully may also target a victim who seems unbreakably strong and resilient. A bully will use reverse phycology to hide their tracks. This is exceptionally damaging to their victims who may feel helpless due to the depth of the bullying.
An activist will work from a sense of obligation to justice. A bully will work from a sense of worthlessness.
It is true, most bullies are insecure and much of what they do has no root cause other than lack of self-esteem. If you are being bullied. Please remember, you do not deserve this. It is not your fault and things can get better.
A bully will thrive on knowing they are affecting your wellbeing. Alternatively, they will become increasingly frustrated if they feel ignored. By having support around you, a bully will normally retreat for fear of being exposed. Whereas an activist will fight to expose.
Here’s a few pointers to follow to identify the degree of bullying/stalking you may be suffering. Although, not restricted:
Make notes, record the patterns. You will find the bully/stalker is more transparent than you may think and in most cases others have also noticed the pattern that disrupts your wellbeing.
Finally, tell someone. No matter what age you are or what position you are in, don’t be an island. Stand close to those who love you. Life’s too short to carry this on your own.
One of our biggest lessons is to learn about detachment. That most things cannot ‘really’ harm us unless we allow them too. When we ‘let go’ of the cycle of hate towards us it will transmit and move away. It is a case of finding inner harmony and pleasures that derive from new directions. To open new doors.
Less is More. TBH©
Often when we confide about our experiences, it is surprising how others relate. Most of us are victim to bullying at some point in our lives. Please remember, you are worth more. Your life can be wonderful. You are in control of your destiny and the more you focus on the positive, the faster new opportunities will embrace your confidence. Remember. Attention goes where energy flows.
One day at a time. Be gentle with yourself. Stay away from the places you feel most pain. Close the lid on your phone or laptop. Something better will appear, before you know it. Visualise being in a new job with likeminded people or joining an optimistic online forum geared specifically towards your hobbies. Or visiting a natural place of beauty that attracts other visitors. There’s good things happening and they are there for you.
Remember, most bullies are stuck in their ways and would like to hold you there too. Move on and start now. Through darkness, comes light. One day you may go on to be the activist and help others up who are down there where you ‘once’ came from.
Tiffany Belle Harper ©
Whilst I was the victim of bullying on a social platform – as most of my tasks were to help animals suffering the most extreme abuse, I found it very difficult to cope during parts of 2010 to early 2015. The bully was aware of this but showed no mercy. Regardless of my contempt towards those who do such thing to others, I wish no harm to anybody including bullies and abusers. Instead I hope you get better …
A bully is not a happy person. They are often weak people with no inner sense of spiritual balance.
Further down is a link that I would love to share with those needing support with alcohol addiction, in particular for those who show traits of malice to others, such as the man who attacked me using the web together with his girlfriend who fell in and out of it with him. I can only assume their relationship ignites with territorial battles that lay within themselves. My bully had a cycle, it became predictable according to his drinking from home. Although I was the ‘main’ focus of his contempt others who showed a spiritual or religious opinion also took the wrath, using his multi-million Twitter following. What a pity this became his main ‘preoccupation’ when there’s so much loveliness going on in the real world.
I told the bully to please stop – but the torment continued. In fact the more I asked the worse it got. And much of it came through making annoyance with animal causes and charity that was counter productive to smaller rescue.
I had to walk away as I felt animals were dying due to the obsession my bully had towards me. An obsession that followed me to my blogs, YouTube channels and anywhere I tried to keep a link for my friends and family to keep up with me and my busy life. Ironically enough, as my animal welfare input decreased so did his …
There does come a point when we have to put the past behind us and be glad to be alive and stop hiding. I should not feel afraid to share my spirituality, music, words, photography and little videos of what I love to do. It’s my self expression and I am blessed to have the ability to do the things I enjoy and be able to make others happy too.
I hope that some of you may find this useful. The first step to recovery is knowing the only person that can truly help starts with ‘self.’ I wish somebody had of been around to support me during these years. But I became a very private person due to lack of confidence.
It would be fair to say I suffered in silence, behind closed doors. My only life thread/salvation to help animals. It was not about money or self recognition. Yet my bully spent most days trying to intervene between me and my goals. Eventually, he won. My work became interwoven in his projects. My stories, ideas …
It finally hit the wall of no return when he pioneered a lobby to help one rescue in Romania that depleted the others of funds. It has had such a devastating knock on effect for the dogs and volunteers, and I blame myself as he did it to hurt me using his fame and following.
I also ran a pet business using the Twitter platform and closed that down too. Nothing is worse than feeling persecuted in the work place. Especially by two ‘financially’ stable people who have no gain in what they did to me for so long.
However on a positive … I have used these difficult times to rebuild my spiritual bond and commitment to be a good person. It is with the help of my spirituality that I got well. Not to mention the land of blogging. I’ve made some really special friends here too!
However – I do not want to see anyone going through the same. Regardless of who they are or whether I respect them or not. There’s nothing worse than feeling like a piece of shit on the bottom of a boot.
I knew I had to spend less time on social platforms when I began to tug my hair out and make myself sick. I feel sad when I reflect back. I lost my dignity and I should of got out of it sooner. But my love of animals deterred the decision.
My family are my world and my heart is my guide. Without them I would not be here. I realise now that community is the best way to help and find help in return. I can relate to people of all ages who feel the same and suffer in silence. I really do and I am always here for my friends of old, new and for the future.
We cannot blame drink for our actions. We are totally responsible for the hardship we inflict and this is no excuse for being vile to others. Zero sympathy for brute behaviour. A constant stream of jibing and sheer spitefulness between two people that should know better. I can only assume it was/is a severe form of jealousy …
I recall one occasion where I tried to build bridges by including his long term girlfriend in a tweet to help a rescue, she responded by a tweet about Twitter slamming rather than using her integrity to support the animals. Yet the same couple are regarded as heroic task masters in their close knit public grouping.
Another time, when I moved over to Facebook. I am so rubbish at it and thought my chats were private. I tried to organise a birthday get together and it was so poorly done as there was a lot of holistic events going on that same weekend. His girlfriend (a mature woman who should know better) started making remarks on her timeline about a girl who had no friends on her birthday. It really hurt as I had only just started getting out again, after a long battle with past events. The truth of the matter was the same friends I was chatting with had arranged a surprise party for me. But why should I have to justify that on a public platform with what I assumed was a private conversation?
It got to the point I could not use social media to its best advantage on any level. I felt under scrutiny, constantly. It was having a drink in the evening that gave me the nerve to look up friends and get involved.
I could write a long list of all of the horrible things that were done to me both emotionally/personally and through the animal welfare platforms via my bully but I do not want to relive the past. I am in a good place now and my future is with those who love me and want me to be happy as I do them.
I will never be able to ‘fully’ participate in social media as this would all just resume where it left and things would not be any better. He’s still reactionary, and she’s on the tail. Yet it has done me a favour as I am now free. Free from the responsibility, free from the burden of trying to achieve better things without the right support. Furthermore I learned how to set up tweet streams which means I can still support causes.
I am pleased that more and more people are branching out to their own space. Less is more and we should not be reduced to relying upon likes and shares from strangers. We are human beings with massive energy fields that do not require a button to validate how magnificent we are. The beauty of blogging provokes healthy discussion unlike most other platforms.
Blogging is so much better than tweeting, it enables us to express our full self without exception.
If any of you are in a place where I have walked, things do get better. It is all about where we focus our energy. And remember, attention goes where energy flows, so don’t look where you’ll get no gain. It’s detrimental to you, your health and humanity itself.
If you are the victim of bullying, speak to people. You will be surprised how much help is out there. Small steps make the best progress. One day at a time. Although I didn’t, many others noticed what was going on, I did eventually receive support from the most unlikely of places. It’s true, I suppose, the truth wins.
My workshops are great ways to hold your hands and tell you, you are not alone. Don’t suffer in silence. I don’t want anyone to feel the way I did and I would die fighting for you.
I want to spend more time sharing links to help groups and encouraging people to set up more in the community for those that are suffering in silence. I’ve my own business now, a cafe – it’s not online, there’s no need. I’ve built my own reputation in the community. I’ve a new life and enough money to live without fear of destitution. (I’m surrounded by love, to include my pets …) Yet although we move forward, forgive … we should never forget – for bullies are here to teach us how to grow from their poor attitude. I sleep well. I’d rather be the target than hold the gun.
I’ve lost two people I love this year, due to bullying. Both shot in the face. The severest, most cowardly act. Yet, I know … they rest in peace. The hardest things to forgive, help us find clarity, peace, faith. This is why it’s so important to get the right help if we feel under threat. Yet sometimes such hatred can take us unaware.
I myself nearly lost my life to an attacker at the end of 2009. It was my sons that suffered most. They grew up very quickly having to take care of me. I’m sorry …
Please if any of this hits a nerve take a look > Link > Sunday Club show it to your bully if he/she/they are fired up on booze when they try to hurt you. Don’t be afraid to speak out. Write a blog like this one. Express your inner passion. You are loved. We all are.
Finally, if you know or connect with a volunteer, cause worker, campaigner or activist, their lives aren’t easy. There’s little reward for seeing hardship 24/7. Be good to them, please.
Tiffany Belle Harper.
🤍 Tiff 🤍 